How would ya'll handle this???.....

[Big Muddy]

My son had to work, so he asked if I would let my g'son and two of his buddies come hunt for a few days....they are all 15 yrs. old, and they wanted to stay in my little cabin in the woods, rather than at our home, which I allowed them to do....I've given them their space, and haven't hovered over them, and everything has gone just fine.

They are good kids and safe hunters, and very respectful....this morning, while they were out duck hunting, I dropped by the cabin to repair a light fixture over the kitchen sink....for some reason, I opened the refrig., and there's a whole day'um case of Bud Light....not a couple of bottles, not a six pack, but a whole day'um case !!!

Heck, I was prolly the wildest kid that ever was born in these parts, and I know all about peer pressure, and how kids want to experiment with illegal stuff....however, these kids were put in my charge, and I am responsible for them....can you imagine the liabilty, if one of these kids gets shot and/or killed, while they are here, and alcohol is involved!!!....btw, allowing underage drinking in MS is a felony.

I've never been confronted with this problem with my own kids, and I really think one of my g'sons friends might be the ring leader.

So, how do I handle this, or do I just tell the parents???

[Thumper]

Tough call. My first reaction is the responsible thing ... bust their asses! Then I think about my days growing up and what they're doing is kindergarten stuff in comparison. The biggest negative factor is the fact they are dealing with firearms. That's where it gets REAL sticky! The liability thing is a HUGE problem these days (not to mention possible personal injury). When "we" were growing up, the biggest problem in a situation like this was mom & dad finding out!

I'm just glad I'm not in your position because I can totally relate to where you are right now. Part of me just can't forget my "growing up" years and what they're doing is perfectly "normal". The other part of me has been tainted by TODAY'S world and I fear the other side of the fence. The toughest part to work through is your liability exposure. The toughest part they will have to work through is the disappointment in their minds for breaching your trust (at least your grandson). Nobody will win in this situation. I would hope GOOD kids would be responsible enough to party at night, get some sleep and head out sober with a possible headache. If they party until dawn, then head out, there's a major conflict. Of course, then the law kicks in. Since you're now aware of it, you are a guilty party if you do nothing. Tough call and I'm glad I'm not the one to have to make it.

I know I didn't answer your question, but here's what I would do if I were in your position (of course it may be too late for this now). (??)

I'd have taken the beer with me. They'd get back, find it missing and immediately know who took it. It would ruin their weekend because from that point forward, they'd be sweating bullets, not only wondering what they'll be facing with YOU ... but wondering if you told their parents, etc. When you next see them, give them a stern look of disappointment, stay a little bit distant but not TOO cold (you don't want to totally destroy your relationship with your grandson). Basically I'd make sure they know in no uncertain terms that you're VERY disappointed. I would NOT tell the parents. Reason? I believe the kids would respect you more considering the fact they know that you know, yet you didn't rat them out. It's imperative that they know you're extremely disappointed in them but you're giving them a pass ... THIS time! My guess is that the GS will be bending over backwards from here on out to please you and get back on good terms. When these kids grow up, it'll be a story to tell (remember when grandpa busted our asses ...?) as well as a life-lesson they'll never forget ... and they'd totally respect you for not throwing them under the bus.

If it ever happens again, on your watch, their ass is grass. Make sure they know that!

[Thumper]

As a side note, I'm speaking from experience. My dad and I were extremely close and he busted me once (I won't even get to the reason as it could be the subject of a new thread). It was 53 years ago and to this day, I remember it like it was yesterday. The disappointment in his face is forever ingrained in my mind. He never told another soul, but it was an EXTREMELY important life-lesson for me. That was the first and LAST time I ever pulled that trick and I'm a better person for it.

As for drinking, I'm sure they'll "experiment" again ... just not under grandpa's watch!

[Chicken Dinner]

I had a very similar experience with my oldest, 16 at the time, and a couple of his buddies earlier this fall. For me, it wasn't even (at least mostly as part of me was starting to think there was something wrong with the boy) about the beer. I went out in a limb for him to allow increased independence and he violated my trust. If it was me, the beer would be confiscated, he would know I felt betrayed, and the weekend would be over. All parents involved deserve to be informed as to why. All this would be done calmly and from a place of love.

Sometimes doing the right thing really sucks.


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[Captain]

I'd take the beer, be waiting on them to return and have a very calm one way conversation with them about it not allowing them to talk back and give argument to why it OK. And tell them the hunt is over. Contact the parents and be done with it.

[airbud7]

I'm with Cappy on this (nip it in the bud)......

Friend of mine had a party a few years back (Grown ups) and while they were in/at the pool area some youngsters got into the booze from the house and got caught down the road by the cops...

Long story short... He and his wife went to jail that night and it took alot of court dates/ lawyer fees just to get it lowered to a misdemeanor....Still on there record though.

[BarryBobPosthole]

I'd do the same, get them all together, give them the kind of speech old a grandfather can give, you know, the one that makes them an inch tall. But here's where I'd depart. I'd tell them I wouldn't tell their parents a thing about it as long as none of that shit e er happened again. And if I ever caught wind of it happening, not only would I tell the parents but I'd jerk a knot in all three of their asses myself if it did.
Then I'd make them shake on it and give me their spoken word. Two or three lessons are taught that way.
Whatever you do, you're doing the right thing by chewing on it a bit first.
BKB

[Thumper]

Damn! Tough crowd! They get ONE pass in MY world.

I remember the first time a cop pulled me over and gave me a written warning. I really appreciated the break and drove like an old lady after that. Same principle here. (IF they are good kids, they'll respect grandpa for not being a punk-ass old bastard!) :D

[airbud7]

Damn! Tough crowd! They get ONE pass in MY world.

I remember the first time a cop pulled me over and gave me a written warning. I really appreciated the break and drove like an old lady after that. Same principle here. (IF they are good kids, they'll respect grandpa for not being a punk-ass old bastard!) :D


Times are different now Thump....The consequences are to big to ignore/.....heck we could buy beer for our folks at the country store at 15 and take it home to them...drinking age was lower back then to.

[Chicken Dinner]

IMO, just not a grandparents place to make that call. Plus, you have no idea if this is already strike 1 or strike 3.


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[BarryBobPosthole]

Three fifteen year old boys experimenting with beer in the woods in a cabin is hardly a capital offense. Sure, I understand its a different day and age but give them credit for doing this where nobody is going to get hurt or arrested.

You know, you can shelter kids too damn much. I was a kid that grew up in a zero tolerance house. We didn't have board games because they had dice in them. Playing cards were not allowed in our house. Any money I earned was put in the bank and it was managed for me. When I got old enough to hide my thoughts and emotions behind a blank face, I became a guy with a split personality. The partier and the church goer. It STILL gives me problems to this day bexause my first inclination is to hide my feelings in a confrontation of any kind.
Give them a little space, let them find out about alcohol in a safe manner, and by all means if they are good kids, trust them to be the good kids that they are even through their damned mistakes.

End of New Years sermon.

Bkb

[Captain]

It would be one thing if Muddy didn't know about it, it's another now that he does.
He can't unknow something. It has to be addressed.

[Chicken Dinner]

If guns weren't involved and I was their parent, I might agree with you.


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[Thumper]

P-hole for President!

NO WAIT!!!! He's a Liberal! Recant that vote! ;)

[BarryBobPosthole]

And there's always that part about you haven't heard the other side of the story yet either. Deal like this with teens often have twists we don't epect!

BKB

[Captain]

I would not listen to the other side of the story.
It would be a one way calm conversation that ended with the hunt is over and calls to parents.
Y'all touchy-feely people kill me.
Those boys would have a story to tell the rest of their lives.

[Chicken Dinner]

The best part would be sitting in the cabin porch sipping one of their beers with the whole case right by my feet. I've got a good idea I'd know the real deal just by looking at them.


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[Thumper]

I'd lecture them on being stupid enough to get caught. I'd have had a hidden cooler behind the cabin. Amateurs! ;)

[BarryBobPosthole]

Touchy feely my ass.

BKb

[HideHunter]

Tough call.. first instinct.. I'd probably lean more toward Thump's and Barry's thinking. Beer gone, stern conversation.. and if *everyone* is suitably contrite - the hunt goes on without the parents being notified. Sorry, I'm old - but my memory isn't shot. I'd have appreciated the "break" - and taken it to heart.

[Captain]

Touchy feely my ass.

BKb

:D
I'd have a conversation with them and it would be huge. No one doubts my ability to have a huge conversation. ... ;)

[BarryBobPosthole]

Well there's one important thing to remember there hotshot. and that is you and CD are looking at it from a Dad's perspective. How a grandpa handles things are a bit different than how a Dad would. There's more leeway.

And a lot more wisdom involved grasshoppa. :oldfart

BKB

[Chicken Dinner]

Maybe I was just a bad kid. I'd have appreciated the break and just tried to be a little smarter next time.[emoji48]


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[Arty]

Touchy feely my ass.

BKb

Only if you wash it real good first. Then MAYBE


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[Arty]

Drink the beer.
End the hunt.
Scare the fuck out of 'em.
Tell the parents.
Then talk with your son on what HE thinks should be done to your grandson.
I do not think being the "cool loving grandpa" is gonna teach that kiddo any lesson except that you are soft and that as long as he brings liquor next time, instead of beer, he can just stick the bottle inside an air vent or something where you WON'T find it next time.
I'm not even going to cover the liability side of the story. You already know that plain and simple.

OH- and 6 years from now make sure you have him over, take him to the cabin, and polish off a 24 pack with him.


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[Thumper]

Sheeesh, what a bunch'a hard-asses who recently returned from a cherry juice drinkin' / hunting bash in Sou. Carolina! He f'd up ... confiscate the beer, give him the "if looks could kill" face and don't say a word. I can remember times my dad would give me that disappointed look and I would have MUCH rather had him chew my ass than to not know just how pissed off he really was. If he's a good kid, he'll get the idea. If he's NOT a good kid, rip him a new ass-hole.

You guys need to lighten up. The kid f'd up ... he doesn't need to be TOLD he f'd up. Sometimes the silent treatment is worse than having your ass handed to you. That way they don't know what you're thinking other than you're pissed. Once you've had "the talk", the heat is off for the most part. The silent treatment can torture him for weeks because he doesn't know when it will end. When I piss Lynn off and we discuss it, once we talk it out, it's pretty much over with. But, I HATE it when I get the ol' silent treatment and have no clue when I'm gonna get laid again. :hair

[Big Muddy]

Okay, guys, I read every word of your suggestions, and sorta combined them.....at first, I thought about going ballistic, but, I sat quietly, drinking coffee, and gave it a lot of thought.

Here is the outcome of how I handled it, and I put it in semi-outline form to keep it short as possible:

>I did not remove the beer, but later, before taking them home, I saw that it was gone.
>After their duck hunt, I fixed them a HUGE breakfast at our home, but I never said a word about the beer.
>They returned to the cabin to load up all their gear, and I was to take them home, since they have party plans tonite.
>They loaded their gear into my truck, and I'm sure they thought they had pulled the wool over ole Pappy's eyes.
>Before I started my truck, I turned to them, and asked what they did with the beer....you could literally smell the fear.
>All three in unison, "What beer, we don't have any beer, we didn't bring any beer, what beer, what are you talking about?"
>I turned to my g'son, and asked the 2nd time....again, he denied it....the 3rd time, he again denied it....that really stung.
>I said they would miss their big New Year's Eve party, tonite, because my truck wasn't moving until they came clean.
>Total silence for what seemed like 10 minutes....then, I threw the knockout punch...."open all your gear bags".
>It was an 18 pack of Bud Light long necks, and they each had stuffed six beers inside socks, drawers, gloves, etc.
>Here's the kicker....not a single bottle had been opened....wtf???
>They said they were taking the beer to tonite's New Year's Eve party.
>I then asked who purchased it for them, and found that the suspected ring leader had stolen it from his Dad's deer camp.
>They hid it in their bags, before making the trip to our house.
>My g'daughter, who just recently got her drivers license, drove the boys to our house....it's about a 2 hour drive.
>She is a very conservative young lady, and would literally beat the crap outta her brother, if she knew beer was in her car.
>I can only imagine the consequences, if they had a wreck, and those bottles had gotten broken.
>I took the beer away from them, and told them I did not allow any alcohol in my vehicle.....then, we headed out.
>On the way, I explained to them the libelous situation they had placed me in, as both a landowner and their hunting host.
>They all seemed to understand with their "Yessirs".
>The remainder of the trip was in total silence.
>However, right before we got to their homes, I just had to address one last thing.
>I told them that I was disappointed in them for not telling me the truth, and how dishonest their actions were.
>However, I was not going to tell their parents....if they wanted to admit it to their parents, it was up to them.
>I even invited the two other boys back to hunt, again, if they wanted to....but, not to bring any alcohol onto my property.
>Just as my g'son got out of my truck, he leaned over, gave me a hug, and said, "I love ya, Pappy."
>The issue is over and done with, as far as I'm concerned.
>I hope they learned something from ole Pappy.

[BarryBobPosthole]

You done good, Pappy.

BKB

[Captain]

Yep, you are closer to the situation than me and I think you handled it great.
Hope them boys learned a lesson.

[BarryBobPosthole]

I can imagine the biggest disappointment is him lying to you about it. I had a pact with all four of my kids: if I asked them about something and they told me the truth, then they didn't get punished. They might get an ass chewing, but they never got punished. If they lied, they got the max punishment no matter how trivial or great the offense. The truth is always worth more than anything else when it comes to behavior and ethics. Thats in my 'cool old grandfather' world anyway.

And I have to admit, that might have been a deal breaker for me. Regardless, I know it hurts. You did good, Pops.

BKB

[Thumper]

A little "Thump story". My Ohio hunting partner had a baby boy about the same time mine was born. It was odd as they got older, because although my son was a a few months older, he's my son's uncle! Anyway, I went up there every year to deer hunt and watched him grow up. One year I started taking a buddy of mine along and he enjoys a little "nip" from time to time ... and after a long day of hunting in that cold weather (we're Florida boys), he'd take quite a few "nips" in the evening once we got back to camp. One year, my bud's son was at "that age" (15 or so) and he'd been up at the cabin during the day while we were hunting. Once we got back to camp, my buddy took a nice sized swig from his bottle of whiskey and immediately knew something was wrong (he always drank it straight). We figured out the little shit had gotten into his stash and watered it down to top the bottle off. My buddy told me, but did NOT tell his dad. When we went up to the house for supper that night, my buddy pointed at the kid, gave him the dirtiest look imaginable and whispered, "if you ever do that again, I'm gonna whip your ass right after your dad gets through with you". He never missed a drop of booze since that time and that hunt became an annual affair for him also.

The kid grew up, went to college, graduated, went to work for the Sheriff's Department as a deputy and eventually took over as Chief of Police for many years in a neighboring town. Just last year, he resigned as he needed more time to help take care of his kids so his wife could go back to school and finish her degree. He had NO free time as COP. Well, he just received an award today.

8357


Kids will be kids ... but dad doesn't ALWAYS have to know when they f-up ... as long as SOMEBODY lets them know they're busted, but getting a pass THIS time. Here's what the Sheriff's Dept. awarded that little shithead juvenile delinquent with today. ;)

[Arty]

Thats in my 'cool old grandfather' world anyway.



BKB

"If" you are quoting me... I said 'cool LOVING grandpa'.

But you are so old you probably didn't have your glasses on when you read it. So, I forgive you.
P.S. your readers are sitting on the side of the tub where you left them this morning after taking your AM BM.


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[Big Muddy]

I guess I realized that I'm his grandfather---not his dad....there's a completely different set of rules for grandparents.

However, I will say this....if I WAS his father, his azz-cheeks would still be smoking, and he'd be grounded until the second-coming....not for the beer, but for the lying.

[Thumper]

Yeppers, the lying would be the deal breaker.

[BarryBobPosthole]

"If" you are quoting me... I said 'cool LOVING grandpa'.

But you are so old you probably didn't have your glasses on when you read it. So, I forgive you.
P.S. your readers are sitting on the side of the tub where you left them this morning after taking your AM BM.


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You may bite my liberal old cool loving grandpa tookus.

BKB

[Big Muddy]

Funny, how getting older will mellow you out.....my Dad was the same way....he was like Attilla the Hun, until his late '60's....then, like a light switch, his hair turned snow white, and he mellowed-out, and turned into an Andy Griffith. ;)

[BarryBobPosthole]

There ain't nuthing wrong with a strict Dad. A strict grandpa though is just another old asshole.

BKB

[Captain]

There ain't nuthing wrong with a strict Dad. A strict grandpa though is just another old asshole.
BKB

Spoken like a true ......... liberal. :D

[BarryBobPosthole]

Spoken like a true ......... liberal. :D

I have another cheek of my tookus available if you can find your stool.

BKb

[Thumper]

You may need to get him a stool to keep at your place. His has been down here for quite a while. He needed it so much, he decided it was easier to just leave it here instead of constantly dragging it back and forth! ;)