To all, and Deputy Dog

[Buckrub]

Pat, I was in Shipshewana, finally got my trailer fixed, and then fixed again..........nothing that major, and was about to text you, and got word that my Brother passed away Monday. So we hightailed it home, two day trip. Funeral is tomorrow. We've been making arrangements all day. 92 y/o mother was bad for a day, but honestly is doing much better today. Better than I expected. So, I apologize. I always have an August appointment at Amish Family RV Repair in Topeka, so I'll try to see you next year.

Not the best year for me, I have to admit. Not over yet either. Lost a grandson, a brother, and before it's over, maybe a Country.

Y'all be good.

[Thumper]

Sorry to hear this Bucky. Is that the brother who was living with mom?

[HideHunter]

Sorry for your loss, Bill...

[Arty]

Bucky I’m sorry to hear that.
Remember your maker and the new covenant he left us.
Find ways to implement that during these times.

Tough year indeed!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Chicken Dinner]

I’m so sorry, Bill.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Buckrub]

Sorry to hear this Bucky. Is that the brother who was living with mom?

yes

[Bwana]

Sorry for what you are going through sir.

[quercus alba]

Bill, sometimes there are just no words to say, it certainly seems that you've borne more burden than a man should have to bear in recent years. Life can certainly challenge our faith to where we're just holding on by a thread. I'll keep you and Jeannie in my prayers.

[Thumper]

yes

You've had a rough year buddy, but as tragic as it is (I hope I'm not being totally insensitive and out of line here), isn't the loss of your brother going to take a massive load off your shoulders? How is mom handling it, or is she even fully aware of what's happening?

[DeputyDog]

Bill, sorry to hear about another loss in your family.

I completely understand not meeting up. That just means we’ll have to spend twice as long together next time.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Buckrub]

You've had a rough year buddy, but as tragic as it is (I hope I'm not being totally insensitive and out of line here), isn't the loss of your brother going to take a massive load off your shoulders? How is mom handling it, or is she even fully aware of what's happening?

Yeah, that's fine, Jim. I understand.

Truth is, for first two days, I thought we'd have to put her in the funny farm. I can't even describe what she did or was going through. But, as you say, I think maybe a burden was indeed lifted and yesterday and today she is doing remarkably well. Jeannie said "You know, today she is making more sense than she's made in 40 years". She is lucid and calm. She even went through his dresser drawers and found $300 in cash, and a bag of pennies. She wouldn't ever even GO into his room.

His last weekend was horrible. He had not changed clothes in many weeks. His fingernails and toenails were 3 inches long. He had thrown up and peed his bed, and was moaning in pain (I assume) last two days. He was falling, and he'd been 100% mobile just days before. He did not speak to anyone. He did not allow Hospice to touch him, or anyone else. Yet Mother 'demanded' everyone leave them both alone. She couldn't let go. I took her car keys away last month. She fought it for 2 days but now is fine, and we even sold her old car and she had no problems with that.

Now she has. So yes, it is a lifting of a burden. I can now go out in my driveway and not worry about being accosted........either physically, or just wanting money.

On the other hand, when it calms down, I am going to try and write up the Litany of B/S I have gone through with the funeral home. In a nutshell, after cutting out EVERY possible expense (She would not allow cremation of him, but agreed to all other cost cutting decisions), it still cost $8K out of my pocket (which didn't have $8K in it), and another $1,550 if she decides to get him a grave marker. No actual funeral service, only a graveside. No Limo, no music, no embalming, nothing. Plot was already paid for. Still $8K.

Then the people we dealt with as we left Indiana were suddenly "out of pocket" last Thursday when we went in to arrange everything. They said "We have tried to reach them and they aren't available". Say what?? What does that mean? So, some girl that had no clue about our situation had to go over all the cost items. She was lost.

I went out Wednesday to cemetery, where I had to 'sign off' on the specific plot. The funeral guy that met me there could not find the plot. It's a HUGE cemetery. We walked all over........after I'd driven all day......and he couldn't find it. Called people, etc. FINALLY found it. They said they'd have tent at the gravesite 30 minutes early on Friday. We showed up at 9:35 and no tent in site. I could see the grave had been dug up. Nobody around. They had "moved it" because of Covid to another site. WTFO? Because of what??

OH, and they did NOT provide chairs. I blew up at that one. We had to take lawn chairs. I asked why. They said "Well, because of Covid, we'd have to sanitize those chairs at each funeral". Great Googly Moogly! I said "Lady, for Eight Large, you can sanitize a LOT of chairs"!!!

That's not even the end of it. I'm just tired of listing it all. They really screwed up. There was yet another new lady at the actual funeral. She said "They brought me in from another of our locations, so I'm new to this". I told her I wanted to see the owner of this place, and I wanted to talk to him. I told her that the cost is outrageous and they were totally confused, unprofessional,...........well, I told her a few other things. I am going to try and write this up and call the Cemetery Board, or Funeral Board, or whoever oversees funeral homes. But tomorrow I have to go with my cousins and don Hazmat suits and go into his room and take his mattress out, wrap in visqueen, and take to dump. Burn what we can. It is so bad in there, it'd gag a maggot.

But yeah......emotionally we're ok. You nailed it pretty good. Course, you've heard about all this for years. But we're ok.

I doubt I get to go to Florida for the winter. First, who knows about Covid. That's least of my worries. Then, come November 4, I expect America to be on fire. Lastly, I doubt I can now leave mother that long.

And that's the truth, as Roseanne Rosannadanna said.

[Thumper]

I totally understand and can REALLY relate. As you know, I also have a "crazy" brother who's been a lifelong PITA. He refuses help because "HE's not crazy, the rest of the world is"! My mom also refused help until she had a stroke and laid on her bathroom floor until someone found her all bruised up including a black eye. The only family here was Mom, my lunatic brother and myself. I finally got some relief when my sister and bro-in-law came from Houston, took her to Texas and put her in a "home" there. At least there was my sis, BIL, another sis and a slew of nieces and nephews there to help out. I was worn slap out and needed a break. I did fly out to visit and was in her room first thing in the morning, until they threw me out at night for two straight weeks. The day I left, she asked my sister if anyone has heard from me because I never call or visit her anymore and it's been many months since I've bothered to come see her! ARRRGGGHHH!!!

Problem is, she also refused to be cremated, so once she passed, we had to transport her and her casket here, where her burial plot is. In between her leaving Texas and arriving here, was "cold storage" expenses, an unbelievably ridiculous plane ticket and then the real b/s dealing with the funeral home. Luckily, they've been here forever and it went pretty smoothly considering ... but the service definitely didn't come cheap. We "passed the hat around" to get everything paid off, but at least we had the house to sell to make everyone whole again. My brother didn't make the funeral (thank God) as he had fallen and broken his arm, so he was in the hospital (paid for by you, me and everyone here as he's never worked a day in his life). Once mom was handled, it was just my brother and me here .... and I REFUSED to deal with his b/s. My other brother (in Tennessee) and I finally got him into a VA facility in the Tampa area (assisted VA housing) and he seems to be happy harassing the poor souls there who now have to put up with his b/s. I haven't seen or spoken to him since (and have zero desire to). Now it's just Lynn, myself and TWELVE frigging cats here in this big ol' 2-story house with an acre of grass to keep maintained. I had the in-ground pool removed - Hallelujah!! ... so that's one more maintenance headache I don't have to worry about.

If we make it through this COVID b/s and I find a way to make it look like the cats died off "naturally", I'm ready to sell out, move "someplace" and REALLY retire (although I prolly won't be able to afford to do anything).

All that is just to say I'm with you and totally understand some of what you've been going through. You still have mom to worry about and she's right next door, but it "should" be a little smoother from here on out. Good luck and get some rest.

[Buckrub]

I totally understand and can REALLY relate. As you know, I also have a "crazy" brother who's been a lifelong PITA. He refuses help because "HE's not crazy, the rest of the world is"! My mom also refused help until she had a stroke and laid on her bathroom floor until someone found her all bruised up including a black eye. The only family here was Mom, my lunatic brother and myself. I finally got some relief when my sister and bro-in-law came from Houston, took her to Texas and put her in a "home" there. At least there was my sis, BIL, another sis and a slew nieces and nephews there to help out. I was worn slap out and needed a break. I did fly out to visit and was in her room first thing in the morning, until they threw me out at night for two straight weeks. The day I left, she asked my sister if anyone has heard from me because I never call or visit her anymore and it's been many months since I've bothered to come see her! ARRRGGGHHH!!!

Problem is, she also refused to be cremated, so once she passed, we had to transport her and her casket here, where her burial plot is. In between her leaving Texas and arriving here, was "cold storage" expenses, an unbelievably ridiculous plane ticket and then the real b/s dealing with the funeral home. Luckily, they've been here forever and it went pretty smoothly considering ... but the service definitely didn't come cheap. We "passed the hat around" to get everything paid off, but at least we had the house to sell to make everyone whole again. My brother didn't make the funeral (thank God) as he had fallen and broken his arm, so he was in the hospital (paid for by you, me and everyone here as he's never worked a day in his life). Once mom was handled, it was just my brother and me here .... and I REFUSED to deal with his b/s. My other brother (in Tennessee) and I finally got him into a VA facility in the Tampa area (assisted VA housing) and he seems to be happy harassing the poor souls there who now have to put up with his b/s. I haven't seen or spoken to him since (and have zero desire to). Now it's just Lynn, myself and TWELVE frigging cats here in this big ol' 2-story house with an acre of grass to keep maintained. I had the in-ground pool removed - Hallelujah!! ... so that's one more maintenance headache I don't have to worry about.

If we make it through this COVID b/s and I find a way to make it look like the cats died off "naturally", I'm ready to sell out, move "someplace" and REALLY retire (although I prolly won't be able to afford to do anything).

All that is just to say I'm with you and totally understand some of what you've been going through. You still have mom to worry about and she's right next door, but it "should" be a little smoother from here on out. Good luck and get some rest.

There was a cat one time who was named "J. Barrington Smedley". Smedley died of drinking antifreeze. Poor thing.

Not sure why I told you that, but make sure you don't get the "pet friendly" kind.............

[Thumper]

Awww, I'll bite the bullet and admit I'm a softie and critters have a way of becoming "family", but I put the word out that there will be NO more rescues, no matter the circumstances. Many are approaching 15-20 years old, so the clan should start thinning itself out soon ... I hope. I'm simply tired of the responsibility AND expense and am ready to downsize and relax for a change. This thing with Cappy really hit home with me and I keep telling Lynn that the same could happen to me ... here one day, gone the next. I simply don't want to leave her with the headache of having to handle this place on her own. It was fine when I was younger, but it's MORE than a handful for me these days. I HATE having to pay someone to do what I can do myself .... or at least, what I USED to be able to do myself. A SMALL house or possibly even a condo is hopefully in my future.