Does ANYBODY actually "work" anymore?

[Thumper]

I remember years ago, some worthless dipshit stole a $2500 pump out of the back of my work truck (in my driveway). I called the cops to file a report and a unit stopped by the house. They wrote down all the info, closed their little report book thingy and were ready to leave. I said, "Whoa, wait a minute ... you're not going to take fingerprints or anything?" You'd have thought I was asking them to run the Boston Marathon or something .... heck, it was like they were put out because they had to get out of their cruiser on a hot day. They asked what I thought they should fingerprint? WTF??? Ummm, well, I dunno .... how 'bout starting with the light bulb over my garage door they'd unscrewed so they could work in the darkness? (something I'd informed them of while filing the report). They took prints, but I never heard a word back from them.

I had a buddy who had a bazillion bucks worth of stuff stolen from his motorhome ... he said the cops acted like they could care less and he was doing nothing but interrupting their day. I remember when P-hole had his rifle (?) stolen from his truck and saw his scope listed on eBay the next day. He told the cops about it and they acted like they could give a rat's ass. You see and hear about it all the time.

Ok, a few nights ago, my sister in Houston called to ask if I'd seen or heard from my brother. He lives here in town and I'm the only other family member here since my mom passed away. She said she talked to him last month and he sounded "sick", but he said he was fine. She talked with him a few days later and he sounded worse, but again said he was fine. Well, she called again (they always stayed in touch) and his phone went straight to voicemail. After numerous calls over the past few weeks and getting his voicemail, she contacted me. I called and like she said, it went immediately to voicemail. Yesterday, I stopped by his apartment and pounded on the door. Nada. I called ... again, straight to voicemail. This morning I called the local hospitals but was told they had no patient by that name. I thought, crap ... maybe he got thrown in jail (never been in jail to my knowledge). I called the Popo but I was informed they show nobody with his name being arrested.

Alright, I decided to ask the police department to make a welfare check. The lady took my information ... then hesitated a bit and asked, "Did you say you're his brother?" I replied, "Yes." She then said she'd have a Sargent call me. About 5-mims later, a Sargent XXXX called and informed me my brother was deceased and passed away between 3/17 & 3/18. The neighbors saw him on the 17th, but could not contact him on the 18th, so they requested a welfare check and the cops found him deceased in his apartment! They said they could not locate any next of kin and he was taken to XYZ Funeral home here in town! I asked if he was still there and I was told they had no idea, but said the funeral home was going to try locating his next of kin.

So ... I called the funeral home and found out they still have his body and he's listed as having NO KNOWN NEXT OF KIN! WTF???? I've lived in the same town, at the same address for the last 32 frigging years. I'm the ONLY other person with his last name here (and it's a relatively small town). How difficult could I be to find? Heck, I have a frigging Facebook page! Isn't that how the cops find people on tv? I wonder if the Detectives are this inept? Heck, so far, that's all I know ... I don't even know how he died! I have an appointment with the funeral home to come in and make arrangements. I suppose they were just keeping him on ice 'til somebody (like me) came looking for him. Of course, I'm sure they've been racking up daily "cold storage" fees for the past month! Ummmm, HELLLLLOOOOOO! I'm really not all that hard to find you bunch'a worthless bozos!

What a crock of bullshit. :pissed

[johnboy]

Sorry to hear this Jim. Hard road.

[Penguin]

Damn Jim.... I don't know if I've ever heard of anything like that! There are a lot of people out there with no one "looking in on them" as we say in the hills. Makes me sad to be honest. I've heard this type of thing is pretty common in Japan. People pass away and nobody finds them for weeks or months. You'd have thought it would be a little on the easy side to run down family members and let them know wouldn't you? Goodness.

Will

[LJ3]

Sorry about your Bro, Jimmy. I know you weren't best pals but that still sucks.

Not sure what to say about the funeral home. I've never considered them responsible for finding next of kin but I've never been involved with something like that. Opening up the phone book and calling everyone with the same last name doesn't seem manageable but what the hell do I know.

Nothing. That's what.

[Thumper]

My buddy who lives waaaay out in the sticks is a bit of a loner. Well, not a "bit" .... he IS a loner. One of those survivalist types, grows his own veggies, chickens/eggs and a hog or two. A friend of his passed away a few years ago and since my buddy hadn't heard from him for a while, stopped by his place to check on him. Turns out he'd been lying dead in his trailer for a month or so (died of natural causes) and had no family locally. Since that day, my buddy and I made an agreement. He checks in with me EVERY morning around 7am or so. He knows if I don't hear from him, I'll be headed to his house to look for him. He lives in an old trailer out in the middle of a swamp and if anything ever happened to him, nobody would find him is a bazillion years. So far, he's never missed so much as ONE single day checking in with me.

We've been friends since we were 7 years old.

[Bwana]

So sorry for you Jim and have to agree that it appears not much effort (read: slim to none) was done to find the next of kin.

Again, my condolences.

[Thumper]

Yeppers Tic, IF they'd have bothered to look in the phone book, my name is the ONLY other one listed.

[Thumper]

For the record, we were not close ... not by a longshot. He was a 100% nutbag who thought he was the only "normal" person on earth, but the rest of the world was all f'd up (in his mind). He was a Paranoid-Schizophrenic and an alcoholic who's hardly worked a day in his life. You and I (and everyone else here) has been paying his upkeep for the past 40 years. I won't be shedding any tears ... except for the fact I'm the one who will be forced to straighten out his mess. I'm sorry, that sounds really cold, but there's history there and I'd finally had enough of his b/s about 25 years ago and told him if I ever caught him on my property, I'd either call the cops or shoot him ... (preferably the latter).

It doesn't lessen the fact I have no idea why nobody could have contacted me. What do they do in cases like this? Hold him in a drawer at the funeral home for the next 20-30 years? Is there some sort of "statute of limitations" before they throw him into a dumpster? I guess I've really never thought about it before. A pauper's grave? I dunno. Guess I'll find out when I meet with the funeral home.

I made the appointment for Monday. In the morning, Lynn and I are headed for the beach for a few days, so I'm not going to let it ruin our weekend. What are a few more days "storage fees"?

[Big Skyz]

I can't even get my head around what a complete fail this is on the part of those that should be able to take of this relatively easily. Sorry Jim, this isn't how anyone wants things to go when we die. I'm glad you got a friend that checks in on you and you on him.

[DeputyDog]

Sorry to hear this.

Not handled well at all. Having been on the side of trying to find a NOK, the first thing is to try to find something that would have a list of contacts on it and checking with the neighbors to see if they knew of any family members. Since you were estranged, there probably wasn’t anything that had your name on it. Funny as it seems, younger people don’t even know what a phone book is. The police should have checked their computer for contacts that would have any connection with him. With it being a uncommon name I would think that if you are in their system they would have at least tried to make contact to see if you knew him.

As far as a “pauper’s grave”, there is usually a cemetery that will take unclaimed bodies.


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[LJ3]

Jimmy, I know you didn't ask me but a proper burial from his brother would mean something good. Nobody is just one thing and we're all connected as humans in ways we don't fully understand.

I'll see myself out :)

[BarryBobPosthole]

I’m sorry Jim. Blood is still thicker than water and I know there’s some hurt there. I’m sorry for it.

I agree with Len. Sometimes you do something just because its the right thing to do. It doesn’t have to make sense to anybody but you. It doesn’t have to be elaborate.

Or you could do like Walter and The Dude did with Donnie.

BKB

[Thumper]

Oh, I'll get things handled in as respectful a way as possible. I have a "funny" feeling the funeral home may have already cremated his remains. I have no idea what the legalities are, but it seems odd they'd hang onto a body for so long ... and what is the time limit. 2 months? Six months? A year? The reason I think something hinky may be going on is that the gal who told me the "body" is still in their possession mentioned the easiest route would be cremation. Huh? I hadn't even touched on burial plans or any other "services" at that point. During the conversation, she mentioned cremation a total of three different times even though I had only been asking what processes were required for me to get things handled.

That said, he's a veteran (Navy) so I can get a free ceremony, a hole in the ground (there are two National Cemeteries within 50-60 miles from here), a flag and a marker for him. The VA will pay those expenses, but will not pay for a cremation (weird) although they will provide a spot for inurnment or simply a burial plot for cremated remains, but I haven't checked into the process involved yet.

I finally got a return call from the apartment management and they said his apartment has already been rented out. I asked about his belongings and he said the police released everything to a "friend". HUH? What friend? He had no friends that I was aware of. And what were his belongings? He had no expenses as the government paid EVERYTHING for him. A free apartment, food stamps (or whatever they're called these days), Medicaid/Medicare/VA, a gov't cell phone and he even had a free city bus pass (he had no car). He's never had a bank account in his life (didn't trust banks) and I have to assume he received his Covid Relief checks. My guess is, he very well could have had a pile of cash in his apartment. Who documents the belongings? The police? Or whomever this "friend" is who claimed his belongings? This whole mess is so weird to me and I suppose I have a lot of learning to do in a short period of time.

I've notified the family and they've all thanked me for "handling" this matter. Ha! What choice do I have? Oh well, it's a shitty job, but somebody has to do it. :(

Oh, BTW Ticboy ... waaaay back when, while we had the original site, I assume he Googled my name and found me here. He joined GoodHunting and posted some loooong ridiculous, embarrassing and rambling diatribe, then signed his name to it. NOBODY could make heads or tails of what he was saying and with my last name attached to it, everyone asked me WTF was going on? I then revealed it was my crazy brother and I had no clue what his gibberish meant. You (Len) were pretty much our resident IT guy at the time and asked me if I wanted the post deleted and also if I wanted him blocked from the site. I was happy to have it done and you took care of it.

[Arty]

Jimmy, I know you didn't ask me but a proper burial from his brother would mean something good. Nobody is just one thing and we're all connected as humans in ways we don't fully understand.

I'll see myself out :)

Agree!
And, In other words, do the Christian thing. Give him what he doesn’t deserve. It’ll make you feel good.


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[Thumper]

Oh, BTW ... my sister found an old contact number of some sort. I called and left a message yesterday and just received a callback. I told him the story and he said he wasn't aware my brother had passed. It turns out this guy was some sort of "minister" ... and ex-homeless dude. He said he met my brother many years ago when they were sleeping in the bushes outside our public library. My brother used to hang out in the library all day to soak up the a/c and use their computers. He spent his time between sleeping in the bushes, park benches or at the various homeless shelters around town. He'd eat at the missions and would be offered showers and a clean set of clothes, but they all had time limits and you could only stay so many days, then had to move on. He'd rotate from mission to mission, but preferred the woods or bushes because he didn't get along with people very well. A sad life but all family members bent over backwards to help him (including myself, he lived with me for a year or two), but it was always the same result, he'd F us over so badly, you'd eventually have no choice but to kick his ass back out onto the streets and never want to see his face again. He could be the most irritating individual on earth. We tried to get him professional help many times, but he was sane enough to act "normal" whenever a shrink would try to evaluate him. Same with having him Baker Acted, he never posed a threat to himself or anyone else, so he'd be released within 24-hours. You can lead a horse to water .... etc. etc. etc.

We found him jobs many times and when interviewed, he'd end up being hired. BUT ... then they'd ask him for his Social Security number and he'd refuse to give it to them. He was always paranoid of identity theft. Like who cares? He had no bank account, no money, no credit cards and he's homeless. Who the F would want HIS identity? I once went out on a limb and hooked him up with a job working for a buddy of mine. He showed up for about a week, then vanished. My buddy called and asked what was going on as he had a bunch of backlogged work piling up. I had no clue, but I faced a pretty big embarrassment. My FIL got him a good job at a company he managed before he retired. He worked for about a week, then went on his lunch break one day, never to return. A few weeks later, he showed up at my grandfather's house in Orlando ... filthy. He said he'd been living under a freeway overpass. He showered and my GF dug up a change of clothes. Gramps called me and asked me what he was supposed to do as he couldn't support the guy. I talked to my brother on the phone and told him his job had been calling and looking for him. I asked why the F he walked off the job. He said he went to lunch and sat at the bar to eat a sandwich. The guy next to him (according to my brother) suddenly turned to him, looked him straight in the eye and said, "Don't go North, don't go South and don't go West ... so he headed East to Orlando! I could write a book, but this will give you some idea. When even my loving, caring MOTHER told him to get out of her house and never come back, you know he was an impossible person to tolerate.

[Arty]

It’s nice that you can look back and think of all the help you tried to offer. The rest was up to him.
Sounds like what any good brother would do.
I’m sure he appreciated and loved you.


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[Thumper]

That's one of the problems Artimus ... he never appreciated anything anyone did for him. In HIS mind, we (the world) OWED it to him. I gave him a place to stay here. I gave him one of my company trucks and a company credit card. I told him to stay local and just use the truck for "normal" transportation. He'd disappear for days at a time and eventually I "repossessed" my truck and credit card (after about 2 frigging years). The tires were worn to the cords and the brakes were so worn they destroyed the rotors. It was a total pigpen and my credit card was always packed with gas, beer, sodas, chips, sandwiches and cigarette purchases It was a Shell Oil credit card, so he'd buy anything available at whatever convenience store he visited. As usual (as with everybody else in the family who helped him), he'd totally take advantage. I remember after I'd finally thrown him out of my house, he'd hang out at the homeless shelters in town, but I kept up with him and helped him out with a bit of pocket change from time to time. Lynn was in the wholesale food business at the time and we'd donate literal truckloads of food to the shelters. There was one mission downtown that received a large, multi-million dollar grant of some sort to expand, finance and upgrade the shelter. My brother was furious and belittled the management and volunteers for taking HIS money. He said they were a bunch of money grubbing thieves and that money should be distributed among the regular "tenants" at the shelter ... him included of course. That's how his mind worked .... in his mind, he was smarter than anyone else and a perfect angel while the rest of the world was stupid and the Devil's Disciples. After a while, you'd get so tired of his b/s, you'd just want him to go away so you could pretend he never existed. I hate to be harsh, but after years and years of his crap, it's just really hard to feel sorry for him.

Of course, I live with a bleeding heart Liberal and I'm catching hell from Lynn right now for being so cold-hearted, but whatever.

[LJ3]

Oh, BTW Ticboy ... waaaay back when, while we had the original site, I assume he Googled my name and found me here. He joined GoodHunting and posted some loooong ridiculous, embarrassing and rambling diatribe, then signed his name to it. NOBODY could make heads or tails of what he was saying and with my last name attached to it, everyone asked me WTF was going on? I then revealed it was my crazy brother and I had no clue what his gibberish meant. You (Len) were pretty much our resident IT guy at the time and asked me if I wanted the post deleted and also if I wanted him blocked from the site. I was happy to have it done and you took care of it.

I remember that now that you mention it. That was some crazy ranting shit for sure.

Sounds to me like he had schizophrenia or some sort of dissociative disorder. Crazy people are always the last to find out they’re crazy.

When I was raising my kids of someone said something negative about one of us, they had to say three nice things about the person.

Now you need to say at least two things nice about your brother. Even if you have to go back to when you were kids and just playing outside during the summer.

[Thumper]

I’m thinking. Can I get back to you in a month or so? He’s been a douchebag all his life, so this may take a while.

We didn't play together growing up. He did TWO things ... watched tv (we only had 2 channels) and played with my sister's dolls. Mom had to FORCE him to go outside if she needed him out of the way so she could clean. We thought early on he was gay and I remember at one point, my parents informed me I was to take him everyplace I went and do stuff with him to "teach" him how to be a dude! Heck, I was outside every minute I was allowed ... fishing, building forts/treehouses, camping, building go-karts, riding bikes, skateboarding, exploring, playing ball, climbing trees, catching snakes and chasing neighborhood girls with an imaginary can of cootie spray ... regular kid stuff. He HATED it yet I was forced to drag him around with me. It didn't last long ... my friends always wondered why I always had my "weirdo" brother with me and I got to the point I told my parents to "shove it" .... ha ... not really, but they got the idea. When I got out of the military and arrived home, he was still there and hadn't changed one bit. The war (Vietnam) had ended, but I grabbed him by the arm and dragged him down to the recruiter's office and let him know he was signing up for the military and we weren't leaving until he signed on the dotted line. I was hoping the military would make a "man" out of him. ALL the services had recruiters there and I left the choice up to him. He signed up for the Navy. Heck, as it turned out, it didn't accomplish a danged thing. He worked at the ship's store on an aircraft carrier! A frigging CONVENIENCE STORE clerk! WTF? He was obviously overloaded with ambition.

I have no clue about the gay thing ... I'm not sure he was "anything". He had a couple girlfriends in high school, but that was it. He never married, not even a girlfriend (OR boyfriend) the rest of his life. WTF izzat? Gender neutral? Or simply uninterested in anything approaching normalcy?

[Chicken Dinner]

Sounds like a difficult guy and a complicated relationship. But, it’s still a loss and I’m sorry you’re going through it.


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[Thumper]

Well FINALLY ... it's a done deal ... well, kind'a-sort'a. He's been cremated and I had my AmEx take care of everything "he" owed the funeral home. After a bazillion phone calls and marching up to the top tier of the Social Security system, I was finally able to sweet talk the gal at the top of some sort of Social Security headquarters to actually give me his SSN over the phone. I'd been able to get the last four digits through a bunch of digging, begging and sweet talking various offices within the VA. I guess Social Security saw that as some sort of verification I had some connection. They also cross-referenced my SSN with his and I suppose found some connection ... I don't know. BUT ... I will tell you right now ... if you don't have one's SSN, you're nobody and can't get a frigging thing accomplished without it.

All I have left to do is see if I can get ANY of my money back that was spent on all this bullshit. I made a list of every bank in town and started calling one at a time. On number four, I found a bank account in his name. I pleaded my case, but those a-holes are even tougher to work with than the Social Security Administration! I have his full name and Social Security number, but ALL they would do is tell me he has an account. The only way to get any info or to close the account is to hire a frigging attorney, have him draw up a Letter of Testamentary, THEN we have to go to court and convince a Judge to make me the official dude to handle his affairs. PLUS, I had to pay for updated Death Certificates (every entity I have to deal with has to have an original, not a copy) since the original had "no next of kin" on the DC. Once I get the judge's order and the updated death cert, the bank will talk to me. NOW ... what I explained to the bank is this ... why should I go through all of this effort and expense, including hiring an attorney, only to find out he has $11.42 in the frigging bank? Could they please ... PRETTY PLEASE, just tell me what is in his account so I can determine if it's worthwhile to go through all that bullshit? NOPE! The bank won't budge ... no matter how high I worked myself through the ranks? WTF could it hurt just to let me know what, if anything at all, is in his account? I'm ready to just suck it up and wash my hands of the whole thing. I've already paid off my AmEx and I'll be glad to get this behind me. The a-hole made my life miserable the whole time he was on this earth and he's STILL f'ing with me now that he's gone. Grrrrr! :banghead