A sucky Christmas [Archive]

Thumper

12-19-2021, 10:57 AM

I have an old Army buddy and we've always stayed in close contact over the years. We went through spy school together then went to S.E. Asia together ... even shared a hooch for a while. We've gotten together many times over the years, but although we stay in contact via phone, text and eMail, it's been 10-11 years since we got together personally. He married a Thai gal and my ex and his wife have remained friends and they talk often.

Well, a week or so ago, he informed me his wife just had no energy and was tired all the time. It reminded me of Cappy, he'd call me 2-3 times a week, just to chat, and had been telling me how tired he'd been lately. He'd barely make it through the day, usually getting off the tractor, shower, grab a quick bite to eat, then going straight to bed. He was finally headed to the doctor to get checked out the same morning he passed away. Anyway, it turned out my buddy's wife was anemic and was going to the doctor for some tests. She ended up in the hospital and my buddy just called to let me know his wife had just passed away. Just like that ... here one minute ... gone the next. Damn! The older I get, the more I find how really fragile life is. They'd been together 50 years and he's pretty much devastated right now. He said they have gifts for each other under the Christmas tree and he hates the thought of going home to that.

I don't know what the medical issue was exactly, he was too shaken to even talk about it and I didn't press him. We'll be talking more once the dust settles. I just want to make a point here. None of us are getting any younger and maybe we need to pay a little closer attention when our bodies are trying to tell us something. My dad was feeling like crap and just spent a couple days in bed thinking "it would pass". One morning he decided he'd go to the doc to get checked out but never made it to the front door. Like Cappy, he knew "something" was wrong, just didn't think it was a big deal until it was too late.

Take care of yourselves and pay attention to any warning signs that something may be "off". (FYI, I'm one of the world's worst at that, but I'm going to try changing my ways without becoming a hypochondriac.)

DeputyDog

12-19-2021, 11:45 AM

Jim, sorry to hear about your friend.

I’m right there with you on taking better care of myself. I used to do pretty good about getting at least an annual check up but it had been several years for me. I’ve never had too many issues except for high blood pressure and cholesterol and was on medication for both.

About six years ago I lost quite a bit of weight and my blood pressure was good so I just quit the meds. Of course the weight came back and I seemed to have excuses for not going to the doctor. My blood pressure was ok every time I checked it so I wasn’t too concerned.

I did finally get a check up this fall and the blood pressure was ok but the cholesterol was a bit high. My doc said since I was working on losing weight he said we could try that for a year before I get put back on any meds for it.

He did have me go for a CT scan of my lungs because they had found a few spots about 10 years ago that they checked for a couple years and he thought it was time for a recheck on them. Good news is there are no changes and the nodules have calcified so they don’t think it’s necessary for any further checks on them. They did find that I had apparently broken my sternum at some point as there was a healed fracture. I’m guessing it was when I had that car wreck last fall and they missed it and only found the broken arm.

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Thumper

12-19-2021, 05:03 PM

Help me out as I have a serious question here. I told my buddy I'd do ANYTHING for him and if he needs anything, just let me know. I just received this email a few minutes ago. For background, he has had his own medical issues the past few years, but I've never heard him talk like this. I know his issues are fairly serious and his quality of life has suffered quite a bit, but he has been getting through it fairly well, but has always had his wife there to support and help him. I will also say, we've discussed his medical issues and we often "joke" (?) about how we're no longer the kids we once were and getting closer to the "end". Nothing super serious, but more of a matter of fact, we're not getting any younger.

I hate posting this here, as it's a bit of an invasion of privacy, but I think it's important for me to get some outside opinions. He lives in Nevada, so it's not like I can run over and knock on his door to check on him. My question is, does this just sound like our usual banter about getting old and approaching the end of our run? To me, it sounds more suicidal ... especially the first sentence .... but then he follows up with his second sentence. I'll definitely be calling this evening and will feel him out a little better at that time, but I'd like a few outside opinions if possible. I understand, I know him better than you do, so it's all subjective, but I don't know what I'd do if he harmed himself and I stood by not taking this seriously. Then again, I don't want to overreact and cause more trauma than already exists. Your thoughts?

"Nothing anyone can do and I've lost my reason for living. I'll be ok. I appreciate the offer of help but nothing anyone can do. She has been anemic for a long time, mostly from the arthritis drugs she has been on for years. She has been in and out of doctors offices for about 3 months now. They did test after test and found nothing. Last Sunday she was having trouble walking, so me and our youngest boy Jim took her to the ER in Carson City. They found she had an infection, admitted her and started IV antibiotics. By Wednesday she was having a lot of trouble breathing. They told us that she had a sepsis blood infection and it was shutting down all her organs, then they moved her to the intensive care unit and put her on a respirator. She told the doctor she was done suffering and to remove the IV's. From then on they gave her pain meds every hour until she passed on Friday. All three kids and 4 of the 6 grandkids got to say goodbye. Her last 36-48 hours were in a coma.

I will probably follow her soon as I'm lost without her. Best friend, wife, mother and grandmother ever.

Take care brother and my best to your family.
Glen"

DeputyDog

12-20-2021, 07:30 AM

It may just be the despair of his loss right now, but a call to him would be a good idea. It sounds like they had kids so I might check in with one of them if you could and make sure he isn’t alone for at least these first few days.

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Thumper

12-20-2021, 08:24 AM

Thanks Deppity. Yes, we had a long talk yesterday. He’s totally devastated and really down right now. The death was not only unexpected, but happened so quickly. I told him if he just gives me the word, I’ll hop on a plane today and get my butt out there asap. Or, if he’d like company for a while, I can take the motorhome out there and set up camp in his driveway, then stay as long as he needs me.

His youngest son only lives 1/4 mile from him, so he’s there. The oldest daughter and her kids will return from California to spend Christmas with him, then his youngest boy (named after me actually) will be flying in from California to be with him on New Years. The fact he has these “long range” plans is a good sign. Of course, I don’t know how he’ll be handling things once the holidays are over with and reality sets in.

He’s got a lot of medical issues himself that I believe are Agent Orange related. We worked many missions together back in the day and we both used to literally shower in that stuff, but he’s never been one to really talk about it. TBH, it’s like he’s stuck in the 60’s-70’s. Whenever we’re together and start talking about the “old days”, he starts looking all around, leans forward and talks in a whisper as he’s still paranoid someone may be monitoring us. Although when we were debriefed after the military, we were told everything we dealt with will remain classified for 20 years, but we were also told some operations will NEVER be declassified! The problem is, we were never told exactly WHAT will never be declassified, so he’s been paranoid his whole life. It kind of puts a damper on the mini-reunions we’ve had over the years.

Weird, I know, but it’s just the way he is and our small group just deals with it when we’re with him … or communicating with him. Each one of us have reached out and offered to fly out on a moments notice if he gives us the word. That said, it reminds me that the closest relationships and tightest bonds seem to be the ones we made in the military. I have a couple of lifelong friends I grew up with, as well as friends I went to school/college with who are still close friends, but the bonds made in the military, though not as long term, have always seemed to be the strongest. I don’t know if that’s common among others, or if it’s just our small group. It’s been 50 years now, so I’m dreading the thought of dealing with issues like this as time progresses, but there’s nothing any of us can do to avoid it.

Thanks for your thoughts. I’ll be checking in with him daily just to see how he sounds.

Bwana

12-20-2021, 10:32 AM

I don't know what to tell you Jim, but I think your concern is justified. He may not be suicidal at all, but just LOST without his Love. Being around the rest of his family will help. Hoping the best for your buddy.

LJ3

12-20-2021, 07:14 PM

The more I learn about spirituality the less I worry about the next phase of my existence. Sometimes people have done what they were supposed to do and it's time for them to leave. It's not the end, in my opinion. The people left behind here have all sorts of feelings about it and your buddy is certainly feeling the worst of it now. We don't know what happens until we do, then we wish it was something everyone could know now in their human bodies. The world would be a much better place as a result.

I know none of this helps at all :D

airbud7

12-20-2021, 09:45 PM