Prior Proper Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance

[BarryBobPosthole]

otherwise you get Rounded in the Rosy Rectum by the Rigid Rod of Reality.

An old boss of mine in the Air Force used to tell me that. In some other lifetime it feels like.

I was just loafing this morning planning my weekend, drinking coffee and working the crossword, and the urge came over me to put something on the smoker today. A butt? I'd love to smoke a turkey but I'd have to thaw the darned thing out.
Decisions decisions. Beef, I think, is out. Although....I also have some pecan from a limb the storm blew down this summer. That says beef. Brisket? I think maybe brisket and I'll lay in a stick of bologna late in the process and maybe a couple of brauts. Smoked brauts are the bomb.
So I have a plan. Easy peasy japanesy.

It may be a lazy day today. I'd do some work, but I have to go smoke this meat you see.
BKB

[Chicken Dinner]

I just stuck a brisket (flat cut) into the marinade while drinking my morning coffee myself. I'll give it a good 24 hour soak, cost it with some dry rub and throw it on the BGE tomorrow with some pecan chunks.

[Chicken Dinner]

Ummm, brisket...

[BarryBobPosthole]

Mine is a flat cut too. I didn't marinate it, just rubbed 'er down good with olive oil and then coated it with a new dry rub I wanted to try called John's Rub. Its from a BBQ place over in Okema, Oklahoma called, of all thing's, John's Barbeque. Okema is down in east central Oklahoma where I-40 cuts through the crosstimbers. Birthplace of Woody Guthrie, home of red dirt and rattlesnake hunts, and good eatin'. It almost has to be good. We'll see. Also have a fat stick of Frick's baloney, some polish sausages from a place in Oklahoma called Redbud farms, and some turkey brauts just to test them out. And a 30 pack of Coors Banquet beers in the garage fridge. already made a bean salad that chillin' in the fridge. Some folks would call a day spent like this a waste. dumbasses.

BKB

[Chicken Dinner]

There's no talking sense to some folks. My younger boy and I were just saying that the whole world feels quieter the last week of August. I'm gonna pair my brisket up with some ABT's for starters, a pot of beans and some broccoli slaw. Prolly swill a few John Daly's whilst I'm cooking it.

[BarryBobPosthole]

If I hadn't already made a commitment to Coors, that John Daly idea would've grabbed me. Whats ATB's? August Tears of Bitterness? Some kind of Nationals deal?
BKB

[Chicken Dinner]

ABT=atomic buffalo turd. Basically, bacon wrapped stuffed jalepenos.

[Thumper]

Lynn's out on the pool deck grilling something. I guess I'll find out what it is around dinner time. :D

[Chicken Dinner]

Your loss.

[BarryBobPosthole]

I put the sausages and baloney on about two beers ago. They're starting to show some color. When the baloney 'puffs' everything ought to be ready teddy. The Brisket went on several beers ago. Maybe seven? It oughta be pretty good.

1583

[Chicken Dinner]

Those sausages reminded me I've got a bunch if fresh venison kielbasa in the freezer. I think I'll smoke some if them up for lunch.

[BarryBobPosthole]

Everything came out great. i'm an unabashed fan of the BGE as a smoker. I just use a pizza stone and the meat comes out at leasttwice as moist as other smokers I've used.
Now, where was I? 12 beers and a bunch of sunburn I think.
Now its time for baseball.
BKB

[Captain]

After twelve beers it could be burnt to a crips and you would think it was good.... And don't you know the Nasty Car race is on tonight from Bristol? Man I'm here!
You gonna have to turn in your man card cookin' and missing the race.... Just sayin' ;-)

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[Niner]

Dang Barry, what size is that EGG???
Ginormous.
My little medium couldn't hold all of that yumminess....at once.

I did some steaks on it (direct) the other night. Holy cat shit!! I do not think I have ever put a better ribeye in my mouth. I thought Di was gonna fall out of her chair!! My only regrets with the BGE is waiting so long to get one, and not getting the Large. BUT, I don't cook for a big crew. Just Di and me.

[BarryBobPosthole]

Niner, its an XL BGE, and I forget what the dimensions are but it has a good sized cooking area. The deal is, the temp you cook at on this deal isnt like the temp you cook on a steel smoker is. I'm learning. This brisket smoked for about seven hours at 300 and was the most moist and tender and flavorful one I've done on a while. Not something I would have expected at that high temp.
BKB

[Niner]

I'm not a brisket fan (maybe it because I had some "bad brisket in Houston"), but I am seeing the same kind of thing with my pork butts. I run them at about 275--300°. But I also keep a digital thermometer running.

Do you use the Plate Setter when your are smoking on that monster? Mine came with one, and it is a real handy place to set the drip pan.

I am beginning to think there is something wrong with my EGG's thermometer. The instructions I found for the steaks said to run the temp up to 600-700°, but I could NOT get it to go any higher than 400°. I think I'm gonna pull the thermometer off of my Weber Performer and swap out the EGG's unit and see if that makes a difference. If that's the case, then a new gauge will be in order.

[Chicken Dinner]

Mine is a large and the only time I've had a problem getting high temps was a charcoal issue. I tried to save a buck and had purchased a bag of Cowboy brand lump that had a bunch of much smaller chunks and after a few cooks I got a build up of ash n the firebox that didn't fall down through the bottom grate even when I stirred it up pretty good when adding fresh lump. This really restricted airflow and I could barely get to 400 with the vents wide open. So, I cleaned out the whole thing, tossed the crapy lump and was good to go.

I have been eying those remote thermometers that monitor both grill and meat temps and can interface with your smartphone. Think Santa may have to bent me be of those.

[Chicken Dinner]

And we're off!

[BarryBobPosthole]

Niner, careful getting that BGE up to those 600 degree temps. About the only way to do it is to leave the lid open for a while and the vents wide open. You run the risk of melting the felt gasket on it that way, and when you close the egg, the oxygen inthere will rush out the vent at the bottom at times like a friggin volcano, so you have to burp it when you're cooking at high temps. I do just fine with steaks at only 400 or so. I jut put the steaks directly over the hottest coals to sear them then move them aside in indirect heat to finish.
Also, the dang handle gets hot as the hinges on the gates of hell when you leave the lid open too long. I think Hombre dang near welded his shut one time getting it too hot.

BKB

[Chicken Dinner]

There is a high temp gasket you can buy when the felt one eventually craps out.

[Chicken Dinner]

Two hours in and time to take the sausages off for lunch.

[BarryBobPosthole]

Niner, I don't use that plate setter deal like Hank has in his picture. I have a ceramic pizza stone that works perfectly. I never hardly used it for pizza anyway so when I was putting my BGE together I just grabbed it and use it whenever I want to smoke something and keep the direct heat away from it. it also cleans up well.

And based on your ravings about grilled pizza, I've actually grilled a few pizzas on it too!
BKB

[Big Muddy]

Since all you dufes are posting smoke pics, here's a pic of my po'-mans BGNE....big green non egg....better known as my Cabelas electric/charcoal smoker....best and most accurate smoker I've ever used....got three of 'em....set it and forget it....no fiddling with temps....consistently remains at 235 degrees.

This one is here at the lakehouse....got friends here, this weekend....big fat hens and a pork loin. :)
1588

[johnboy]

Damm, I just finished breakfast and now I'm hungry again! Looks great!

[Niner]

If it turns out that 400 is truly what it's doing that is fine. Those steaks I did last week were very, very tender and extremely juicy. The leftovers were even larrupin warmed up for lunch the next day.

[BarryBobPosthole]

Since all you dufes are posting smoke pics, here's a pic of my po'-mans BGNE....big green non egg....better known as my Cabelas electric/charcoal smoker....best and most accurate smoker I've ever used....got three of 'em....set it and forget it....no fiddling with temps....consistently remains at 235 degrees.

This one is here at the lakehouse....got friends here, this weekend....big fat hens and a pork loin. :)
1588

BM, for the life of me I can't see how you keep all that stuff from sliding off. It must really stick to the grill!

BKB

[Niner]

He keeps the bottom of the grill pointed towards Baton Rouge.
LSU sucks so much he has no troubles keeping his grillage where it belongs.

[Chicken Dinner]

Good looking eats, BM.

[BarryBobPosthole]

With all this smokin and grillin going on, what the hell are we going to do to top it on Labor Day?

I'm thinking a young turkey or a big old turkey breast might be the ticket.

BKB

[Chicken Dinner]

I haven't thought that far ahead. May just grill up a London broil or fajitas as they're both favorites of the boys and school starts the next day. The following weekend ill prolly go all out for the first football Sunday. I've got my brisket resting in a cooler and am just waiting in my beans now.

[Thumper]

Where's Cappy when ya' needs him? Sheeesh, all this girl-talk from youse Martha Stewart wanabe's is getting sickening! Heck, next week youse dufes are prolly gonna start discussin' who makes the best panty-hose! ;)

[BarryBobPosthole]

Man, those mexican strawberries look awesome!
BKB

[Captain]

Yea, I hit on it earlier but could not get a rise out of this crowd. Guess they was all out checking there meat! :D
I had some GREAT pulled pork yesterday at Dead End BBQ in Tennessee, and no work or cleanup...
If you look back at the folks that invented them grills and stuff, it was probably a woman. Trying to make it manly to cook outside so they would not have to. I call BS on it all. If its harder than an egg to cook it needs a woman to do it!
Take Care, Captain

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[Thumper]

For some odd reason, I think these ladies are ignoring us Cappy. Prolly busy washing the BBQ sauce spatters out'ta their skirts. ;)

[Captain]

Or the supper dishes....

:D

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[Thumper]

Or gettin' their nails did. ;)

[Big Muddy]

Dang, ya"ll....and, I was just thinking about my Labor Day meal prep: ;)

Chateaubriand
Hollandaise sauce
A medley of Mediterranean-style braised veggies
Kibbee wrapped in grape leaves
Flaming rum-soaked cherries jubilee topped with real whipped cream
Hot Bananas-Foster
Crème bruillet
Chilled Chianti served in frosted wine glasses


Ya'll made me feel so guilty, now, I'm just gonna have hot dogs and Koolaid, and deer-butt cake. ;)


1591

[Thumper]

I think Eddie's starting to get a bit "light in his loafers" ... ifyouknowwhatimeanandithinkthatyoudo.

[Big Muddy]

Thump, surely you know that was "TIC" , ;)


(Tongue in cheek)


However, I DO think the deer-butt cake is cool!!! ;)

[Thumper]

Thump, surely you know that was "TIC" , ;)


(Tongue in cheek)


However, I DO think the deer-butt cake is cool!!! ;)

Oh yeah, I know ... but I'll have to admit ... you did hit on a major weakness of mine. At least I "think" you did .... not sure what crème bruillet is, but decent crème brûlée is to die for! ;)

[Big Muddy]

Yep, I like it, too....I like that kibbee stuff, too, prefer the raw to the cooked....you ever tried it???

[Thumper]

I absolutely love lamb chops and can just about eat my weight in them. Otherwise, I'm not super fond of lamb. I've had baked kibbeh, but not the raw version. Again, not one of my favorites ... heck, I'm not even crazy about meatloaf, especially if lamb is mixed with it.

[Buckrub]

funny how some people can talk all day about food, and the various kinds of it, but won't lift a finger to fix any of it.

Guess they never read The Little Red Hen.

[Thumper]

Hey, I never said I CAN'T cook ... I just said I DON'T cook. Big difference. I can feed myself if needed ... heck, I can also change the oil in my own car ... doesn't mean I'm gonna do it myself if I don't have to. ;)

[Buckrub]

No, not same.

You don't cook but you want others to do it for you free. You sit on your ugly fat white butt and make HER do it. And brag on it. Even if you can do it better. Do you have ANY idea the 'rewards' you'd get if you took that burden from her, did it BETTER than she does it, and let HER say "I don't cook"????

Do you, dude?

I've seen you eat. You (like me) LOVE to eat. That is the SOLE reason I learned to cook. It is the SOLE reason I cook.

But the side benefits are tremendous, also.

Now, you keep doing it your way and don't let me influence you any. Wouldn't want you to admit you were wrong even a little bit, would we?

:D :D :D

[Thumper]

Well ... here's the deal. Lynn is a gourmet cook and LOVES to cook ... it's her passion. The TV is locked on every cooking show known to man when she's home. She's been to a zillion cooking classes and even worked for years as a food broker. Food is what she does and preparing it is what she enjoys. You wouldn't believe the enjoyment and satisfaction she gets when she watches me scarf down something she's made for supper. It makes her as happy to see me eat as I am to eat her creations. Now, why on God's green earth would I want to take that satisfaction away from her?

Heck, as an aside ... I enjoy blow-jobs too ... doesn't mean I'm gonna give 'em! ;)

[Buckrub]

I know the answer, but I won't give it to you.

:) :)