Too True...

[Big Skyz]

As the thought of retirement begins to be more of a reality than a fantasy for me I got a kick out of reading this on another site this morning. I thought perhaps some of you could relate.

Retirement Options:
You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where...
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away from your house because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your hiney from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??

OR

You can retire to California where...
1. You make over $450,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.

OR

You can retire to New York City where...

1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan ...
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a
map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn. (IF you have a car).
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

OR

You can retire to Minnesota where...

1. You only have three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup ..
2. Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.
3. You have seventeen recipes for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair.
6. The highest level of criticism is "He is different, she is different or It was different!

OR

You can retire to The Deep South where...

1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everywhere is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder".

OR

You can retire to Colorado where...

1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

OR

You can retire to the Nebraska where...

1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at.

OR

FINALLY You can retire to Florida where...

1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist, proctologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

[BarryBobPosthole]

Hahahahaha....funny stuff. Retirement has been in my thoughts a lot lately too. If I could, I would!

BKB

[Big Skyz]

In theory, I can retire in 5 years. Well I'm eligible anyway. In reality, who know's when it will happen.

[Chicken Dinner]

I'm kind of at that stage where it seems like both a distant dream and scary close (financially) nightmare at the same time.

[Bwana]

I am eligible in a touch over 7 years and tell the missus I am pulling the plug at that time but the financial reality is likely a different story.

[BarryBobPosthole]

I can either do it now and sweat it out until I'm 62 (2 years, three months) that the stock market doesn't crash or the banks don't fail, or wait until I'm 62 and be a lot more bulletproof and also have quite a substantial more of an income for the duration of my retirement. Prudence says to wait. My heart says to go fishing. For once in my life I think I'd better listen to my head. I may regret it but I know I'd get an ulcer worrying about it if I pulled the trigger now. I'd just as soon be settled on it.

BKB

[LJ3]

I'll be eating dog food within 5 years of retirement.

[jb]

I don't think I ever heard a dying man say" Gee I wish I'd worked a few more years"

[Bwana]

I have no doubt in what you said jb, but I am sure a few homeless gents have. :)

[jb]

I guess I have to consider myself lucky, being old dinosaurs, my wife and I both have defined pensions from pretty stable sources.
That said, I worked an extra year just because I sort of liked what I was doing and was receiving good pay for doing it.
Wife's company was down sizing and offered her a nice buyout that boosted her retirement about a third more.
But when the time came both of us were ready to go, my sort of liked job became boring, wife wanted to get out to help take care of her mother and our first grand baby.
One thing both of us learned real quick, was being retired didn't mean sitting on the porch and watching the sun rise and set, we both became more busy than when we worked full time. A nice side benefit is you now have the time to do something you really loved to do, my little side business/hobby was something I enjoyed doing, much more than my old job. It really gives me a reason to look forward to tomorrow and the little extra income makes our retirement close to what we made working full time.
There are things out there just waiting for you, part time, weekends, whatever you want to do, but it's things you really love and even if the pay is much less than what you're making now, when you add it to your retirement, SS, you'd be surprised how close it comes to your 40 hour week.
It all boils down to how you planned your life, proper planning, good health and a little luck makes retirement something wonderful, if you didn't do that, retirement can really suck and make your last years hard on you and your family.

[Thumper]

FWIW ... it's all about adjustment and you'd be surprised what you can accomplish with a little forethought and ingenuity. I spent 20 years building my career in California and was to the point I was pulling in a pretty hefty salary. BUT ... I spent everything I made ... no savings and no retirement plan. I wanted to live it up and do everything I could do while I was young and could enjoy it. I traveled, I partied and I lived the good life ... lived like there may not be a tomorrow. Why? Because I really had no clue whether there'd be a tomorrow or not!

Then I decided I wanted to be my own boss. I sold out (except for my Cadillac and BMW) and moved back to my home state of Florida with absolutely no clue whatsoever what I was going to do. I eventually started a small business and put every dime I made back into building the business. Sure, I worked my ass off, but at the same time, I still had fun and enjoyed life ... I simply did it a little more economically. In time, the business grew and I was back to traveling and partying like there was no tomorrow.

Again, no savings and no retirement plan. I made it, I spent it ... and had fun doing it. Why? Because when I was young, I watched my grandfather work his ass to the bone preparing for retirement. He had a Florida house, but as he looked forward to retirement, he bought a second home in the mountains of North Carolina ... right on a mountainside along the river. His retirement dream. His plan? Work & save, work & save, then work and save some more until he turned 65 ... then retire and enjoy the fruits of his labor. He passed away from a massive heart attack when he was 64 1/2. ALL he ever knew was work. I was 12 years old and very close to my grandparents. I learned a valuable lesson from his experience ... there REALLY may be no "tomorrow".

My dad was the same workaholic my grandfather was and also never got the chance to retire. In fact, he probably only took "maybe" 5 vacations in his life. He never "retired" because "it was never the right time" ... "maybe in a year or two". He was still working full-time when he died.

Me? I made it through the skinny years as I built my business ... but I still managed to have fun on a shoe-string while I did it. Once I started making good money, it didn't go into savings and retirement plans ... it financed traveling and partying on a grander scale. It bought a 4-wheeler, a boat and the other various toys. There were the "exotic" cars ... 2 Corvettes, 2 BMW's ... a new truck every 2 years, a bazillion guns I'd never shoot, but really enjoyed owning and fondling. I traveled the world ... did some crazy things and for the most part, enjoyed life to the fullest.

Then all hell broke loose. The economy went into the toilet and I saw a ton of my friends lose the money they'd worked hard for all their lives and put into retirement accounts. I didn't lose squat ... I didn't HAVE anything! I did lose my business though ... because my customers lost all THEIR money and couldn't afford the services I was offering. Again, I tightened my belt but still managed to enjoy life ... it just wasn't on the grand scale I was used to.

Then the BIG whammy! My health took a nose-dive ... overnight! Just like my dad and my grandfather before him. The HUGE difference? I had already enjoyed my "retirement" beforehand. They died before retirement ... if I'd have died (and I almost did), I'd have already lived my retirement. Okay, for some silly reason I pulled through. I now receive 20% of what I was making before I got sick. But you know what? I'm again having fun and enjoying life as much as physically possible. The finances? Just like before ... I made major adjustments and somehow ... SOMEHOW it always seems to work out. You'd be surprised at how far you can stretch a buck if you really work at it. I really have no complaints. I'm not traveling the world like I used to, but I would if I could PHYSICALLY. The money? I know how to travel internationally on a budget just as I can get by at home on a tight budget traveling domestically ... and believe it or not, I still have fun AND we still drive new cars! I sold my guns because my priorities changed ... basically I just lost interest.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying it's not a good thing to save, make investments and plan on those bazillions to carry you through your "golden years" ... but I think too many of us stress over it and the return may not be equal to the effort. I know I'll be called an idiot by most and maybe even a bit careless ... but I've ALREADY enjoyed my "retirement" while I was young, healthy and able to do anything I wanted or could dream up. I look at everything from here on out as an added bonus. Even though my plan was always to work until I turned 62, then take that minimum payout from Social Security ... I only made it to 57. "YOU" may not make it to your target age either. Don't work yourselves to death ... pull the trigger as early as possible and trust me, you can probably pull it much sooner than you think you can. Do it while you can enjoy it.

Okay, there IS a flip side to all of this. I'm not TOTALLY irresponsible. I have always contributed to an IRA for Lynn. (that's where my eBay money goes now) But then again, her IRA was cleaned out when the recession hit, so maybe spending that money on fun instead of the "responsible" thing may have been more productive! It is in the rebuilding process, but nothing close to the original "promise". She also has a 401K through her work. And she gets 100% of what I have if I croak tomorrow as I do have a will (of course 100% of nothing ain't much) ... but I figure she deserves whatever she can get for putting up with my worthless ass the last 30 years.

If you can retire early ... DO IT! If you spend your time worrying about the details and crunching numbers ... you'll NEVER have enough to retire. As my SEAL buddy (who has the exact same outlook on life as me) would say, "Don't brain-fuck it to death" ... just DO it! And remember ... you don't HAVE to live in the Taj Mahal to enjoy life.

Okay ... you can call me an irresponsible, reckless idiot now. But do it quickly as we're leaving early Friday morning and heading to Ft. Meyers to hang out at the beach for the long weekend! :D

[Captain]

Retire at the first possible date you can.
Don't work one day longer.

Sent from my iPhone using Forum Runner

[HideHunter]

I agree with Cap'n.. if you have the mental fortitude. Some people retire - go like gangbusters for 3 months - then sit on the couch until they die a few years later. I did it when I was 45 (according to my wife). My first Social Security check comes tomorrow (okay - no checks anymore - direct deposit) Does this mean I have officially reached old age? ;)

[FooBang]

Disagree about Florida. I couldn't recommend a single doctor while I was there. They were all terrible. I guess the good doctors can make more money everywhere else.

[Thumper]

Curmudgeon. ;)

[BarryBobPosthole]

There's lots of different ways of looking at it and none of them are necessarily the wrong way. I guess it depends on what you want to do in retirement and how willing you are to do it. I don't think I'll ever be without a 'job' of some sort, kind of like Bubba. Not sure what that'll be but I can't imagine not working 'at' something, and not so much for the money as there's just shit I've wanted to do for a long time.

Anyway, good luck to everyone at finding whatever dream retirement they have envisioned for themselves!

BKB

[Thumper]

Yep, that's the bottom line really ... everyone has different plans, goals and interests. The main thing is to not put it off so long you can't enjoy it.

I think the main concern should be health insurance. I never really worried about it because I have VA coverage, but it's something that HAS to be in your retirement budget. Medicare alone won't cut it. I have a friend who's getting ready to retire and he just bought a large lot and hired an architect to design a huge house for him. He wants to start building in a couple of months. I don't get it and told him so, but he said he's always wanted to build his own place. It's just he and his wife, but he's planning on a 5500 sq. ft. house ... with 3-car garage and pool. Huh? I suppose if that's his dream, more power to him, but I don't get it. I'd want to DOWNSIZE ... not upsize! I absolutely hate being tied down to a house. Mine will be paid for in 5 years ... not sure if I'll keep it or not. My ultimate dream (has been for the last 42 years) is to move to Thailand ... if I ever get this dang back straightened out. :(

[Chicken Dinner]

My goal is to be as broke as Bucky when I retire.:D