Could use some prayers

[Arty]

Could use some good thoughts and prayers, and even opinions for those that have been through an uprooting of your family....

I've been offered a job (same company) that is really a lateral move (same position), but could definitely be a stepping stone to the next level, if things go right...probably 5 years give or take.

It's two hours from where we live now, in Virginia Beach. More money, which isn't everything, but it's a help.

Company will relocate me, and they will 'help' sell my house...they don't buy it outright. That's a big decision, as I bought right at the top of the market in early 2007..and my house has lost value since. I'll probably take a 25-30k hit on selling. I can live with that in the long run, as long as it sells...in my area, could be on the market a year..which is obviously a concern.

I'm more considering the financial side of things..and the logistics of moving, finding a place there, etc.

My wife is worried about the kids...SHE is on board with moving, but worried about the boys. We have a junior in High School that I know will take this very hard.

I know kids rebound, adjust, and get through it...my wife is not so sure.

So...I'm perplexed. It's a good career move, that should pay off big dividends in the long run. Virginia Beach, is a great area to live...but selling and picking up and moving after being settled here for 7 years...is a stretch on my mind and heart.

I gotta decide early next week...so prayers and any input is appreciated.

[Chicken Dinner]

Prayers are on the way. As for opinions, is VA Beach that much better than NVa? I know it's got the beach, but the traffic is horrendous. Also, I'm not sure I'd move a Junior in high school. If the job was really compelling, I'd consider getting an apartment in VA Beach and commuting until he was done. It might give you some more time to sell the house where you are for a better price. What grade is your younger boy?

[jb]

I'm not a good one to ask, for me it was always the family first, job second. Both wife and I grew up our entire school life in the same town going to school with the same kids. We had and still have roots in those towns.
JH is a tough move for kids, it takes a special outgoing kid to go to a new school and try and fit in with a new group of kids that have been together all their lives. Some kids do it fairly easy if they are use to their parents moving a lot, for others it's tough and can make for some real problems.
It was important for us to try and give our kids the same feeling of setting down roots in a town, life long friends, etc.
You have a tough decision, I've been there, it's not easy, hard to see into the future as how things work out, but for me it was always family first.

[Thumper]

Tough call, but I've been there, done that and it kinda sucked at the time ... but looking back, it was a valuable learning experience.

I was born in Orlando and went to school with all the same kids until I was 15 yrs. old. Then my dad started climbing the corporate ladder and we were on the move constantly. I went to THREE different high schools! I hated being ripped away from close friends, but in this day and age with internet ... email, social media, etc, it's much easier to stay in touch. And you're only talking 2 hours ... weekend visits would be a piece of cake.

I think moving, meeting new people, learning new things and seeing different areas added to my overall growth in the long run. Heck, it was good training for when I entered the military where you can be "here today and gone tomorrow". I also caught the travel bug and love experiencing new foods, etc. Heck, I never even knew what a frigging taco was until we moved to California! (there were no Taco Bells in those days)

The main problem I had was when it was time for my h/s reunion. Heck, the few people I was really close to at my high schools, I remained in touch with anyway and traveling just didn't seem worth the effort. Besides, which reunion do I attend? Just the school where I graduated? I chose to go to the H/S reunion where I "would" have been had we stayed in Florida. It was cool in a way because I knew EVERYONE there ... but, on the other hand, it was a bit of a downer. The conversations all centered around h/s ... group trips to the beach, etc. Kids had cars and were mobile in h/s and that's when the real fun and most memories started. I felt like a dufe as I could only relate to grade school (elementary back then) and Jr. High ... so I was kind of a third wheel in many conversations.

I guess what I'm trying to say is there are pros and cons. Me personally? I never turned down an opportunity to move on to a better position when it came to jobs. Kids are resilient. The boy is in Jr. High ... in H/S he'll be wanting a car. Let him know if you move you'll be able to afford a car for him ... if you stay, he should maybe start looking at new bicycles! THAT should make the decision a no-brainer! ;)

Good luck with whatever you decide. It's a toughie.

[Bwana]

Good advice given by CD and jb. Not sure I can add anything else but definitely agree that family comes first and only you and your wife know how your kids would handle the move.

Thump, the boy is a JUNIOR, not in junior high...big difference.

[Niner]

VA Beach....ummmmm I'm prolly not the best one to ask.
Y'all have gotten pretty used to living "out in the country" where you are now. The only thing country about VAB is they have a few country bars. Unless the area has changed in the last 30 years since we moved outta there..... I'd say, "welcome to the big city".
Traffic sucked when we lived there, and I'm sure it hasn't gotten any better.
The people there, in general, are not very friendly.
The roads there absolutely suck....its like they built speed bumps into the interstates there....I kid you not.
Oh, I almost forgot to mention the toll roads.
If you love big city living, y'all will most likely enjoy life there.

They DO have the bay there, and if you have a big salt water boat the fishing is pretty good.
I have NO idea what the school systems there are like....our kids were toddlers when we left there.
They have State, County, and City taxes.....I'm sure a lot of Yankee areas do also.

Just my $0.02 from someone who lived there long long ago.
The really good thing about that area is I met my wife there!!!!!!!!!!!

[Sunshine]

:)

[Thumper]

Good advice given by CD and jb. Not sure I can add anything else but definitely agree that family comes first and only you and your wife know how your kids would handle the move.

Thump, the boy is a JUNIOR, not in junior high...big difference.

Oh yeah ... so I'm dyslexic! ;)

My $0.02? Sunny's advice sucks. "Asking the kids what they want to do" is nothing more than the "tail wagging the dog".

"Course I'm known as a tyrant. I make a decision and roll with it ... like it or lump it ... but that's just me ... and I'm an asshole. Prolly why I've liked staying single all my life. ;)

[Sunshine]

:)

[Buckrub]

Don't matter much what the kids want. They aren't supporting you. Talk to 'em, get their input, but they don't get an equal vote, period. Not being mean, just my belief.

I turned down two pretty much unbelievable jobs in order to stay close to family, and to keep my 'safe' job. What did I get for it?? Fired from the 'safe' job, broke most of my life, and kids loved the idea of family so much they moved 850 miles away in 3 different directions.

That sounds more harsh than I mean it. Just stating facts, not any feelings about it at all.

Just saying.........do what is best for you. No one here can answer that but you, and I'm betting even you ain't real good at it either. None of us were. We're a pack of mistakes waiting on a pencil and paper to relate.

I have NO idea what Va Beach is like. None. Too many people east of the MS and north of the Mason Dixon for me. But some folks love it.

If that ain't enough wishy washy for ya, I can do better if I try!!! :wavey

[Thumper]

It wasn't meant as a slam Sunny. We moved a LOT .. one kid grew up to be a multi-millionaire, I'm sure one is worth a million-plus on paper, not sure, but he owns (outright) an $800,000 house in N. California and he and his wife both own their own businesses. I grew up to do pretty well for myself ... far from rich, but comfortable. I have another sister who works herself half to death STILL spoiling her two kids and they're in their frigging 40's, but if she took the money she makes and spent it on herself, she'd be very comfortable. One brother does ok ... always supported himself, owns his house and has never once asked to borrow money, so I suppose he turned out ok ... an average citizen I suppose. His twin is a total loser, but he has serious mental issues ... so I'll discount him. What I'm saying is, "us kids" weren't harmed (in the long-term) in any way by the multiple moves. Life isn't always a bowl of cherries although we'd like it to be. If Arty makes a move that will mean more money for the family and possibly even more with a future advancement, it seems to me that is a POSITIVE thing for the family unit. Kids will make friends no matter where they are. Heck, if my family hadn't moved to California, I'd have never met Lynn and I'm not positive I'd have lived through my hospital stay a few years back without her care. Sometimes things happen for a reason and what seem to be negatives, can actually be a positive. I think you were a military brat weren't you Sunny? I've heard some mighty fond recollections of yours from living in Panama. Would you have ever lived there if Dad had planted his feet and never relocated?

The adults are in charge here and the adults should be the one's who make the decision. Unless the kids are contributing to the household financially, their vote holds little weight IMHO.

[BarryBobPosthole]

Everyone's priorities are different so its hard to give advice since any I gave would be based on mine and might not match up with yours. so I'll just say that it always boiled down to where 'home' is to me. I had opportunities to move in my career and only did it once, and that was to move home to Oklahoma. I've lived here in this little fart of a town since 1983, raised my kids here, and I have to say that I get a great deal of satisfaction from that. Not from feeling like it made me a better Dad or anything, or feeling any kind of pride in making prudent decisions, but just simply from the satisfaction of having roots that run deep. It might not mean the same for everyone one else but it strikes a chord with me.

Whatever you decide to d, I wish you the best. You seem like a guy that's got his head screwed on very straight to me. Of course you COULD be an axe murderer too, but I kind of doubt it. Kribbs already has that cornered.

BKB

[jb]

All my kids still live here, they all went off to college and two came right back home to find good jobs, middle son went off to the big city for 8 years but as soon as he got married moved back home.
Two of the three married girls from here that also went off to college but came back ,middle son married his college sweetheart from another city, but she loved this place so much she wanted her wedding to be held here.
I have all three families with our 7 grand kids living within 10 minutes of our house, the grand kids think of our house as their second home, we currently have two staying with us while their parents are in Vegas for a long weekend.
We've talked a lot with them about if they have any regrets about being brought up in a small town and not one would have wished it any different, they say why would they, they all came back here to raise their family.
Last year I got to attend my 50th Class Reunion, 250 kids in my class, I bet half still live in or around my hometown.
Thump you're right,even after 50 years the same stories get told, we still laugh about how dumb we were and how we got away with more things that would land todays kids in jail.
We still look at our old flames in ways that piss the wifes off, and miss the classmates no longer with us.
I could not do this if I wasn't brought up the way I was.

[Thumper]

My view has always been, it's a BIG world out there and I want to see AND live as much of it as possible. Visiting someplace as a tourist is much different than living there. I want to get a true feel for wherever I can if possible. I've lived here longer than I've ever lived anyplace in my life. Once you get older, you tend to settle down a bit. Of course, owning a house as well as a business that could not be moved had a lot to do with it. The only thing holding me down right now is my health ... but hopefully that's temporary.

Frankly, I get bored looking at the same real estate after a while. Different strokes for different folks, as they say. ;)

[Arty]

I'll just say that it always boiled down to where 'home' is to me.
BKB


Amen and amen.

HOME to me is where my wife and children are. Might be in Bracey, VA, might be VA Beach...might be a van down by the river.

TRUTH BE TOLD....the only FAMILY we have in this town is THE FOUR OF US....and this town/area is so small that's there about a one in a bazillion chance that these two fine young men will find a career within 100 miles of here. We knew that when we moved here 7 years ago, and we know that now. If we stayed here, and they grow up and leave...there's NOTHING for them to come back to...unless they want to be a truck driver, work for VDOT, or be a landscaper (no harm in any of those...but I don't think that's going to be their first choice).

Short term - it might suck for them.

Long term - if momma and daddy are in a REAL town...then they might just stick around for a while. And if they don't..then God bless'em.....I'll travel to see them.

MANY more opportunities for them out there than there are here.

My whole family is sitting within 40 feet of me. If we decide to do this...they'll all be there when I land at the beach.

[Arty]

Don't matter much what the kids want. They aren't supporting you. Talk to 'em, get their input, but they don't get an equal vote, period. Not being mean, just my belief.

I turned down two pretty much unbelievable jobs in order to stay close to family, and to keep my 'safe' job. What did I get for it?? Fired from the 'safe' job, broke most of my life, and kids loved the idea of family so much they moved 850 miles away in 3 different directions.

That sounds more harsh than I mean it. Just stating facts, not any feelings about it at all.

Just saying.........do what is best for you. No one here can answer that but you, and I'm betting even you ain't real good at it either. None of us were. We're a pack of mistakes waiting on a pencil and paper to relate.

I have NO idea what Va Beach is like. None. Too many people east of the MS and north of the Mason Dixon for me. But some folks love it.

If that ain't enough wishy washy for ya, I can do better if I try!!! :wavey

Not wishy washy at all... Kids are kids and adults are adults. If they were paying the bills, they'd have more of a say. NOT that I don't value their stability here, or their (small) circle of friends, or their extra curricular activities. But at the end of the day...I am considering this FOR my family. It really guts in my craw that someone would equate me doing this as chosing career over family....I have a career BECAUSE of my family. If I didn't have my family I'd be content working at mc donalds and coming home to a 1 bedroom apartment eating cheeto's and drinking cheap beer.

I've been seeking counsel from everyone I know. I'm certainly not taking this lightly. One person today told me that I can't bet the next 25 years of my career for 18 months of comfort for my son.

It was a good point...really good point.

[Thumper]

We can discuss it all you want and we can all add our thoughts and opinions, but the ONLY one who can make the final decision is YOU. Good luck with whatever you decide and I hope it all works out for the best.

[yellowk9]

Sounds like you had your mind made up before you asked our opinions. I think a career improvement may be the better thing for the family as a whole in the long run. I also think your son may resent you for doing this for a good long while. He'll get over it eventually (or maybe he hates where he's at now and doesn't have any friends?). He'll be breaking up many long term friendships soon probably anyway if he goes off to school or work somewhere. It's up to you to weigh the tradeoffs.

[Captain]

Ah move Shit, I need someone to visit in Va. Beach.
Once you get settled in and learn all the fishing spots I'll show up! :D

Sent from my iPhone using Forum Runner

[Chicken Dinner]

You sound a lot like me in that I really like to mull over the big decisions from every angle for a while and I'm sure you'll make the right decision for your family. It also sounds like your company recognizes your ability and this may not be the last opportunity you have for advancement. I guess I'm saying it's not necessarily a binary choice. It's nice to have choices even when they're difficult. Good luck.