Honest to God

[BarryBobPosthole]

I got a spam email with the first line that said 'Do you Poop enough?'

BKB

[Buckrub]

Well??? Could you have gotten a more important email???

[Niner]

I recon that email was full of crap.

[Captain]

Are you sure the sender was not Thumper? :D

Sent from my iPhone using Forum Runner

[Thumper]

Warning ... this will prolly be a "Thump post" and is totally tasteless and classless ... but hey ... we're all friends here, right? :D

Ha ha! You ain't gonna believe this and I prolly shouldn't say a word about it because I'm sure there will be comments and jokes from now to eternity, but what the heck? I just returned from visiting my old Intel. buddy in Texas (the one who just blew his finger off!), and we've had a "thing" going since the very early 70's. We were both working the Vietnamese mission at the time and he ran up to me all excited hollering, "Kribbs!!! You have to come see this!!! Come-on before something happens to it!!" He had just taken a dump and he was so proud of the massive turd he'd just laid, that he had to share it with me. About 5-6 of us jumped up to see what all the excitement was about and followed him into the latrine where he'd ordered a Buck Private to guard the stall with specific orders that NOBODY tamper with or flush his "creation"!

We filed in for a look-see and were amazed at the length of this "thing". It actually extended down into the crook of the bowl and came all the way up to the lip of the seat! He said it would have been longer but he got all excited and pinched it off accidentally! So, we ALL agreed, he held the new world's record of longest turd ... and as far as I know, he still holds that honor. Many months later I went to the latrine, entered a stall and there was a HUGE turd that evidently could not be flushed! It wasn't all that long ... but had girth that was indescribable. I ran back, drew a crowd and all had to witness this monster! We asked repeatedly who had produced this mammoth example, but NOBODY fessed up. We figured he had to be either a FNG (F'ing New Guy) too embarrassed to fess up ... OR he was at the Dispensary having his asshole stitched up. ;)

So, to this day, my bud Dano (Dan O. Wilson) still owns the record for the "World's Longest Turd" and the record holder for the "World's Biggest Around Turd" is still anonymous.

If you're still with me here ... it gets worse. Through the years, whenever we take a dump and it's worthy of Honorable Mention ... we've taken a snap-shot and sent pics to each other. Since they started putting cameras in cell phones, the photos have been exchanged quite regularly. In fact, I took a dump the day before I left for Texas that I was pretty dang proud of and texted him a pic. BUT ... in 40+ years, to our knowledge, nobody has even come close to breaking the records that were set way back in the early 70's! :biggrin

[Buckrub]

For one of the few times in my adult life...........words just simply escape me.

[airbud7]

For one of the few times in my adult life...........words just simply escape me.

Me Neather Buck^

[Thumper]

Heh heh heh ... it takes a "special" person to appreciate a good world class dump!

BTW ... welcome back Airbud ... don't be such a danged stranger!

[LJ3]

Gives an entirely new meaning to the art of the "selfie"

Dare I say the "shittie"?

[Captain]

I'm with Bucky and AirBud. That's just TMI for me.... I don't have, nor do I want a friend that close.

[Captain]

And I will never complain about a Base-a-ball post again..

[BarryBobPosthole]

It may be the military 'experience' shining through. If you've never been in basic training and had five minutes for 30 guys to take a shit after a big breakfast and had a line at the shitter you're on with guys yelling at you to hurry the hell up then you tend to have a little different viewpoint from then on about what you consider private matters.

BKB

[Thumper]

Ha ha ha! P-hole's obviously "been there, done that" ... so to speak. He understands. ;)

[LJ3]

word up

[Thumper]

word up

And for the non-Yuppies, those without kids under 25 or old farts who ARE over 25 ... a translation is called for. ;)

Word Up:

I comprehend what you are saying and verify that your statement is true, my good brother.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=word%20up&defid=2081521

[BarryBobPosthole]

Heavy.

BKB

[Captain]

Far out! 😉

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[LJ3]

Fo shizzle