Holy Moley....

[Captain]

My attorney, friend, fishing buddy, duck hunting partner just got home from a trip smallmouth fishing with his wife. They were gone 4 days. Upon unlocking the back door he noticed the whole house had been ransacked! He knew someone had stolen everything he had. Went to the front door and the dead bolt was still locked and door closed. No windows broken out and none open? But every room downstairs was completely torn up. He went upstairs and turned the corner in the hall and a BUZZARD was standing in the hall about four feet tall!
Long story, short it came in through the fireplace in the house, and must have been in there the whole time they were gone. Lord as my witness he got his duck gun and shot that bird while it was on the headboard of their bed in the master bedroom.
They live in a VERY nice house and it is a wreck! I mean buzzard shit EVERYWHERE.
I told him he should call his insurance company and he said he would just get a cleaning company to come in and paint and clean....

[Arty]

I bet they was scared shitless for a few minutes weren't they!

[BarryBobPosthole]

And those things stink something horrible too. Like a skunk usually.

That is definitely not something you think of finding when you come home.

I knew of a time when a guy woke up in the wee hours of the night with a huge German Shorthair Pointer drinking out of his master bathroom toilet. The dog wasn't his. hombre can tell you about it.

BKB

[Nandy]

So he got ransack AND the vulture got in or the vulture made a mess that looked like they got ransack?

[Captain]

The buzzard did all my he damage.

[Thumper]

I had a similar thing happen in California, but it was just a dang pigeon. The biggest problem was the soot and it was kinda "greasy" (from the creosote I assume). Every place he hit a wall or piece of furniture was an oily, sooty black mess! I couldn't imagine the mess one of those stinky-assed garbage disposals bouncing around a room would make!

[HideHunter]

Friend of mine had a squirrel come down the chimney. Figured (by strange goin's on and noises) it was in the house 4 days before they ever saw it. They tried setting live traps to no avail. Finally, he and his son opened all the doors and windows and started moving things. In the "nice" version - the squirrel ran out the open patio door.. in the "other" version - son clubbed it with a chunk of oak dowel after running it around for about an hour. He said squirrel tore more stuff off the walls running from them than he had living there for a week.

[Big Muddy]

Ducks are notorious for coming down chimneys down here....right before we moved into our newly constructed home in '78, a wood duck got into our chimney and died....it was down in the recess below the damper, and couldn't be reached, so we had to delay moving in for a few days because of the odor....finally, I just started a big azz fire in the fireplace, and smoked the little bastage....I guess the bones are still back there. ;)

[BarryBobPosthole]

Some archaeologist some day will have a real head scratcher trying to figure that one out!

BKB

[DeputyDog]

My Mom used to have the occasional bird or squirrel get down the chimney at her old house. It was easier to put up with the scratching and clawing and wait till it died them open the flue and let it drop out then to try to get it out alive and not get loose inside the house.