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HideHunter
07-18-2016, 11:05 AM
Thought you guys might appreciate this.. and some of you can probably relate. My worn-out old springer spaniel has the run of the place in his old age; but I lock him up at night because.. he barks. He barks at anything that moves.. anything that moves within a half-mile of the house.. He barks at things he thinks "might" move within a half-mile of the house.

So, last night it's storming at bedtime and I thought, "Ah, he'll be fine." He has a number of places he can hole up for the night - and he won't be out barking in the storm.. 3:00 a.m. - "bark, bark, woof, bark, woof". I get out of bed and tap on the window.. That used to do it before he went deaf.. doesn't seem to help much now. "bark, woof, bark". So I roll.. Head to the back door and chew his butt. He seems suitably chastised and heads under the deck. I go back to bed.

No more than two minutes.. "bark, woof, blah,blah".. Now I know there's "something" out there. Grab the head lamp and my knee boots and head off on a quest. As soon as he sees the light, he knows all is forgiven and reinforcements have arrived. He runs out to the soft maple in the front yard and does his best, both-feet-on-the-tree Walker coon hound imitation. So I start walking around shining the tree. I made a couple full laps before I caught an eye. There's been a feral cat around and I have a number of 'possums and other varmints wander through. So - back in the house, dig out the 'possum rifle and back to our adventure.

Got back to where I'd spotted said varmint before and, of course, he wouldn't look. Start making laps again.. Finally, I standing in the road ditch about 30 yards out and catch an eye. Bear in mind now - I'm still fighting with my eye and trying to switch to shooting left-handed.. and the head-lamp and the scope aren't cooperating. I can’t see sh.. uh, anything. It’s about this time I realize, at least part of the reason I can’t see anything is because I took the rifle out of a 66 degree house into an 80 degree drizzling rain and the scope is fogged up. So now, I’m trying to wipe off the scope – find the eye- wipe off the scope again – see *anything* when I realize the world seems brighter.. There’s a car coming down the road. I’m guessing when I rose up out of the road ditch, holding a rifle, at 3:00 a.m. the driver was a bit taken aback.. Did I mention I’m wearing nothing but my tidy-whiteys, my knee-boots and a head lamp?

Car gets by – I find the eye – send a hot one and the dog “kills” the ‘possum repeatedly.. I was back in the house before I realized I had abut a dozen mosquito bites.. There’s no going back to bed. Decided it was too early (or late) to start drinking. The first pot of coffee helped some. Could be a nap in my future.

airbud7
07-18-2016, 11:13 AM
hahaha...tidy-whiteys, knee-boots and a head lamp...that's funny stuff right there....

Thumper
07-18-2016, 11:27 AM
Ha ha! Great Monday morning story!

P.S. I'm glad it wasn't that feral cat! ;)

Thumper
07-18-2016, 11:29 AM
Oh, and ummm, I believe that's "Tighty Whities"! :D

BarryBobPosthole
07-18-2016, 11:30 AM
At a certain age 'tidy' is sometimes preferable!

BKB

Thumper
07-18-2016, 11:35 AM
Good point! ;)

https://s3.amazonaws.com/lowres.cartoonstock.com/children-back_to_school-underclothes-tighty_whities-boxer_short-wedgie-awhn582_low.jpg

airbud7
07-18-2016, 11:49 AM
7390

BarryBobPosthole
07-18-2016, 11:52 AM
I remember an old little-moron joke from grade school that went something like, how did the little moron know how to put on his underwear? yellow in front, brown on back.

Had to have been second or third grade when little moron jokes were popular.

BKB

Thumper
07-18-2016, 11:57 AM
I always get two days out'ta mine. I put 'em on clean the first day, the next day I put 'em on inside out so the skid-marks are on the outside, then toss 'em in the laundry after that. ;)

Big Skyz
07-18-2016, 12:37 PM
Great story HH. Being a visual thinker I'm trying real hard to not visualize you in your underwear and knee high boots. I'm not having much success at it and I might be scarred for life.

Big Muddy
07-18-2016, 01:31 PM
Ha!!!....the driver of that car musta known you, Hide....prolly figured that was just usual behavior for ya....otherwise, he'd called the cops. ;)

Good story. ;)

Captain
07-18-2016, 01:43 PM
Ha!!!....the driver of that car musta known you, Hide....prolly figured that was just usual behavior for ya....otherwise, he'd called the cops. ;) Good story. ;)

I was thinking the same thing Muddy.
I bet they tell that story around the local watering hole this weekend.

Big Muddy
07-18-2016, 01:53 PM
Yep, and after the word gets out, ole Hide might be gettin' some curious, late-night, ride-by, thrill-seekers....old widow women, wanting to catch a glimpse of ole Hide's wanger. ;)

HideHunter
07-18-2016, 08:57 PM
Hell, eddie.. I haven't seen my wanger in 10 years. :) You're probably right about them knowing me. They slowed down for a second, then just drove on.. didn't even honk. ;)