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Friday funny
Ellen and her husband Bob went for counselling after 25 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, Ellen went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married.
She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking Ellen to stand, embraced her, unbuttoned her blouse and bra, put his hands on her breasts and massaged them thoroughly, while kissing her passionately as her husband Bob watched with a raised eyebrow!
Ellen shut up, buttoned up her blouse, and quietly sat down while basking in the glow of being highly aroused. The therapist turned to Bob and said "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?"
Bob thought for a moment and replied "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish".
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Dude... if that stoner dog shows up in my dreams tonight I'll hunt you down and give you a swirly.
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I LOVE YOU" IN 10 LANGUAGES
English I Love You
Spanish Te Amo
French Je T'aime
German Ich Liebe Dich
Japanese Ai Shite Imasu
Italian Ti Amo
Chinese Wo Ai Ni
Swedish Jag Alskar Dig
Lithuanian As Tave Meliu
Alabama, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Texas, Louisiana, South Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, Florida, Iowa, Mississippi , Kentucky, North Carolina, West Virginia, Virginia, Oregon, Upper Mich., Nice Tits, get in the Truck.
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Obviously, we don't beat around the ... uhhh ... bush down here. They get extra credit if she owns her own bass boat.
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A man received the following text from his neighbor:I am so sorry Bob.
I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess.
I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around.
In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse.
I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again.
The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.
A few moments later, a second text came in: Stupid autocorrect. I meant "wifi", not "wife".
oops
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Other pick up lines for use in the south or in very rural areas
baby I'll take out my chew if you kiss me.
I will get a belt buckle with your name on it
Are you still a heifer? (for those non country folk, a heifer is aconw that has not been bred yet")
Wanna see my duck blind?
If you were a Buck, let's just say I know I'd mount you!
You're prettier than a 10 pound bass, in the morning sun
Nice rack, no I was talking about the antlers on your wall!
I have a step ladder in the back of the truck if you'd like to climb up
I'd name my hunting dog after you!
You hot enough to fry some fish!
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I dare you to watch this without laughing....
Dickens Cider....
http://www.youtube.com/embed/Xfzxesxk_Yo
Sent from my iPhone using Forum Runner
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