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HA, talk about karma.....
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This guy is from Loozana, and funny as heck:
A Fish'n'nin Story (True Story)
by Tommy Dunn
I was fishing in the Atchafalaya Basin near the end of a dead end canal...not another boat in sight. I heard the low rumble of another boat, looked up and here comes a BIG bass boat riding low and slow in the water, but just fast enough for the bow to be pointing nearly straight up and plowing a HUGE wake off both front sides. I tried to wave him off, but he kept coming...closer...closer...right at me. Just before he got within two boats lengths, this GENIUS shut down his motor pitching the nose sharply down sending a HUGE wave rolling INTO my boat and washing my 17.5 foot Bass Tracker up into the mud.
I came unhinged...launched a whole sack of hydraulic words in his direction as I tried to pull my trolling motor up out of the mud.
He just ignored me...even my direct invitations to rearrange his FONKY BUTT...walked to the front of his boat that had drifted past me, picked up a rod, dropped his trolling motor and started casting.
I was still trying to get my boat out of the mud, standing and rocking side to side as I power trolled through shallow mud and water...intent on closing the distance between ME and HIM to DELIVER some serious KURREK'n!
But, as luck would have it...on about his third cast, he hung up in a low hanging cypress tree limb and began trying to SNATCH it out...giving that limb hell. But his lure wouldn't budge, so this candidate for Friendly Neighbor of the Year quickly turned his trolling motor sharply to his right and began to try to "turn" towards that low lying cypress limb to hurriedly retrieve his lure...with me making better and better progress in getting myself UN-STUCK out of the mud.
One thing all Fishermen know...momentum is NOT your friend when approaching a low hanging cypress tree. In his ballet of SNATCHING his rod to free his lure, keep looking back to check my progress with LOUD promises of Put'n'nin a WHOOP'n'nin on His Fonky Behind, while keeping one foot on his trolling motor and reeling in slack...He, his boat and his rod went ALL UP IN YONDER...crashing through that low hanging cypress limb and knocked a HUGE WASP NEST down onto his front deck.
Friend, BUSINESS PICKED UP. That dude threw that rod and HAULED SERIOUS HINEY towards the back of his boat...with a whole SWARM of pissed off WASPS in HOT PURSUIT. This Genius was making great time...UNTIL he ran outta boat and his Diesel Sized Outboard took his legs out from under him like a NFL Linebacker. What followed was a slow-motioned redneck "Hey Ya'll, Watch'is" moment. His head and feet switched positions several times until he crashed into the water with the force of a runaway Hippo...the Wasps still gnawing on his Fonky Behind all the way to the water.
My anger turned to raucous laughter as the SWARM lit on the water surface in a Top Gun "Ready 5" position awaiting his eventual emergence. I was rolling...about fell outta my own boat. After several hilarious moments, Genius popped up about 10 yards from his point of Splashdown and quickly went to work digging wasps off his miserable self...they weren't letting go. He was grunting, twisting, groaning, OW''n'nin and frothing the water like a school of piranhas. I was completely sub-human laughing at his Fonky Behind.
He grabbed his wet hat that floated towards him and began helicoptering wasps as they Kamikaze attacked him. His WHOOPS indicated DIRECT HITS! Soon the pressure was just too much as he dunked his face back into the water screaming like a woman in childbirth followed by the muffle of blubbered yells beneath the surface.
Friends, can I tell ya I couldn't breathe from laughing...I'm talking toe-curling, side-splitting, snot-slinging BROO-HA'n!!!
When Genius resurfaced at the right rear corner, he grabbed ahold with great vigor. He tried ONCE to get inside his boat but was immediately MET with a second wave of WASPS with evil intentions....BLUB, BLUB, BLUBBER, BLUB emanated from the swirl where he suddenly "Got Small" and re-submerged AGAIN.
The next time he resurfaced, he was still digging WASPS off his FACE and HEAD like a rabid raccoon. By now, he was a Wildman...no longer human...pushed past his limits...Genius sucked it up, grabbed the back corner of his boat and began to "SWIM" his boat backwards out from under that low hanging cypress limb...punctuated by multiple OW's, grunts and moans as yet another WASP dug him a new PAINFUL orifice.
After several intense minutes of snatching, pulling swimming and rocking, his boat pulled free but progress was painstakingly slow (pun intended)...as we all know boats are not designed to float backwards...especially not while swimming.
I was still guffawing as he pulled himself up into the rear deck of his boat. He made a mad dash towards the front of his boat to raise his trolling motor and was MET by a Third Wave of EVIL “Attitude Adjustment” from the fallen wasp nest. His peach colored tournament fishing shirt turned black as he hit the floor, "STOP DROP & ROLL". That dude was flipping, flopping and flouncing around like a fresh caught polliwog. His screams went from "Birthing" to "Glass Shattering".
When he finally “reappeared” above the profile of his boat, his hand shot out to grab his trolling motor, threw it into its mount then snatched back to help him negotiate a complete backflip over his console windshield with a full twist. Something important CRUNCHED to soften his chaotic landing as he suddenly found his voice and let loose a string of hydraulic curse words...nouns, pronouns, adjectives, adverbs, prepositions...even compound words I ain't NEVER heard before...it was pure poetry...bless his heart.
Before he was even in his seat, he was firing up that Bulldozer of an Outboard. It took several tries for the Outboard to FIRE UP between digging WASPS off his Fonky Butt and helicoptering others intent on giving him some more of their BUSINESS.
When he did get it fired up, he threw that Outboard into full throttle shooting the nose straight up into the air and the WASP NEST back into the rear of the boat in the seat right NEXT TO HIM. Oh the HUMANITY as the Fourth Wave began to feast.
Friends, have you ever seen a BIG Bass Boat with at least a 400 Horsepower Outboard on the back TAKE OFF too fast in shallow muddy water? That boat JUMPED straight up almost hopping completely out of the water then landing with a crash backwards throwing mud EVERYWHERE. His motor was still trimmed up to run his trolling motor. A few toggled whizzes on his Power Trim put his motor into the proper HAUL HINEY position and OFF he went, flapping both arms faster than a SWAC Drummer in a Marching Band.
Yes, I got washed back up on the bank AGAIN and water in my boat AGAIN but my DOUBLE middle-fingered salute said it all because I couldn't say SQUAT from laughing. In about 3 Nano-Seconds, GENIUS was GONE...but his memory will forever remain with me.
Git-R-Did!!!
PS: ALL of this took place in less than 3 Minutes...to this day I'm still not sure that A-Hole's Rod & Reel ever ending up in his boat...but at the time...I wasn't ABOUT to go trying to "see" if I could "find" it......
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