For you believers ....

I haven't mentioned it here before, but I've spent most of my days this past week at the hospital, or now, a hospice center. The mother of a very close friend (we're actually considered family) fell at her assisted living facility last week and broke her hip. They did the hip surgery (replacement) on Friday, but she's never really recovered. She failed her swallow test Saturday, Sunday and Monday (she doesn't, or can't swallow) so the option was a feeding tube just to keep her alive. She has big-time dementia and does nothing but babble, plus she gets very aggressive at times, fighting with nurses, etc. She's over 95 years old, so some tough decisions needed to be made. Yesterday, she was moved into a VERY nice hospice facility. I was there waiting for her when she was transported and she came in swinging and fighting. They got her into her room and she was fighting the two attendants who were attempting to get her into bed. I was there with her daughter and Lynn, but we were waiting outside until they got her settled in. Well, she socked one of the nurses right in the side of the face and I stepped in. I held her hand, told her I was there and she IMMEDIATELY calmed down, gave me a smile and relaxed. Wow! It was quite a bonding experience. They got her situated while I held her hand and then her daughter and Lynn entered the room. The staff gave her some pain meds and a sedative which immediately took affect and she was out like a light. Our friend has a hired assistant who has spent every night with "mom" for over a year now and she showed up around 6:00 pm so we could all go home and get some rest. Our friend needed to go pack up all of mom's stuff from the assisted living facility today, so I went in at 5:00 am this morning to relieve the assistant and sit with mom. The assistant said she slept the WHOLE night through. About 5-mins after I got there, mom woke up, looked at me and smiled as I held her hand.

It's really tough. This lady is a total angel and was a teacher all her working life (elementary ... or grade school as it's called now). I held her hand and "talked" with her all morning. She can't carry on a real conversation and only babbles ... you can make nothing out that she says. The strange thing is, I asked her a few questions today and actually got a response! Are you cold? "No." Are you hot? "Yes." So I removed her blanket and just covered her with a sheet. It was very basic, but she actually knows what's going on I suppose. Now, I have to tell you, it's really tough going through this. To put it bluntly, hospice is simply a place where you go to die. She's on no food or water ... none ... not even ice chips. She can't swallow, so anything that enters her mouth will go into her lungs, then you have choking and most likely pneumonia as an aftermath. What hospice does is simply keep her as comfortable as possible. (pain killers, etc) She'll most likely pass by tomorrow or possibly Friday.

Ok, mom is extremely religious. She NEVER missed church. EVER! Once she was confined to a nursing home, she insisted to be taken, by wheelchair, into the chapel every Sunday (she was unable to be transported to church). Why did I mention "believers" in the title? As I said, she cannot speak in sentences. She babbles, but it's pure gibberish. She's been like this for quite a while. As I sat beside her bed this morning, holding her hand, she all of a sudden shouted out, "Mary!" And I mean LOUDLY ... like she was calling Mary from another room down the hall! I squeezed her hand and said, "Mom, Mary's not here." (I don't even KNOW a Mary) Mom looked me straight in the eye and said, "Yes she is!" (that was a sentence!!) I asked her where Mary is and she stared straight at the ceiling and pointed ... then continued staring and pointing. Virgin Mary? I dunno. At that instant, the Priest walked into the room! He said he was just making his morning rounds and dropped in to visit. As the Priest sat down beside her, I texted Lynn and asked who Mary is. She doesn't know a Mary. I called her daughter, told her the story and she said she has no idea who Mary is.

Anyway, her daughter is with her now and I came home to grab a sammich. I'll be making airport shuttle runs the rest of the day as family flies in and Lynn is making hotel reservations for many of them. We're about to lose one of the sweetest, kindest ladies you'd ever want to know. It's been a really rough week and after dealing with my own mother's funeral just a few months ago, I'll be looking at another one in a matter of days. This getting old and losing people around you is tough duty. :(

That’s tough watching someone go through that. I’m sorry you are dealing with this Jim.

Since you specifically said Priest, I’m guessing she’s a Catholic? If so, many Catholics have a special devotion to Mary. As a Catholic myself, I believe that it is possible that Mother Mary was there to comfort her and be with her in the final steps of her journey.


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Yessir. Catholic. I don’t know what she saw, but she sure was talking to Mary. I just texted her daughter and the Priest is again with her now.

I agree with Deputy Dog on this.

Also, so sorry that you have to go through this again. You are a good man Thumper and I am sure the family appreciates all you have done to be there for "Mom."

Its awesome you are there to help her and her family.

I hope she finds her peace on her own terms. That’s about all any of us can ask. And if Mary is helping her, good for her.

BKB

Yep, it's been a really tough week. I get up every day at 4:00 am (I'm a morning person anyway) and go in to sit with "mom", hold her hand and "talk" to her. The final family members flew into town late last night, so everybody was going to be there to visit her this morning. She's never awakened since I started this post on Wednesday (UNTIL this morning, but more on that later). The priest came back later Wednesday afternoon and administered last rites.

I went in at 4:00 am this morning and texted the family to let them know I was with her. They said they'd be in around 9:00 am or so. At 8:50 am, mom squeezed my hand, opened her eyes and looked at me! I told her all of her children are in town and will be coming in a little later to see her. (I'm getting choked up here) She was unable to speak or move really, but squeezed my hand again, I noticed a tear roll down her cheek, then she was out again. I washed her face and around 9:15, the family arrived. I told them what had happened and they were a bit upset that they weren't there, but they all, one by one, gave her a hug and said hello to her. As we were all talking (I was still sitting next to her), I again felt a slight squeeze on my hand and her eyes barley parted. I hollered at the family that she's AWAKE. They all gathered around, gave her a kiss and another tear ran down her cheek, then she was out again. I swear, I think she was waiting for them to show up! Damn, I have tears running down my face now just writing about it. She's had ZERO water or food of any kind since Tuesday and I notice her breathing is much more shallow and a bit labored today. She's expected to pass at almost any time now, but who knows? She may hang in another day, but I think she was waiting for all her children to get here before she let's go. I can't tell you how glad I was that she awoke the second time this morning, because, so far, it's only happened when I was alone with her.

I'm home now to grab a sammich, but will be returning shortly, to be with the family. We're just about to lose a wonderful lady, but at 95+, she's had a good life .... AND she got to see the family before she leaves. .

What a week! On Friday, I received a call from the ... try to follow this now ... the sister of "mom's" son-in-law. She was bleeding internally and her doctor told her to go straight to the hospital Emergency Room! I was at the hospice center with mom at the time (had been there since 4:00 am, as stated above) and the family was just arriving. I told them what was happening, then left to pick up the sister and rushed her to the ER. Turns out she had 3 stomach ulcers and had been bleeding internally for quite some time. They gave her 2 pints of blood (she only weighs 100 pounds!) because she was anemic. They were to get her stabilized and perform a procedure on her Saturday morning.

Saturday, I had an appointment at the Tampa VA for a CT Scan and really needed to have it done, so I again went to the hospice center around 4:00 am to be with mom until the rest of the family arrived (around 9:30 am). Lynn came in to visit for a few minutes, then drove me to Tampa. Not 5-mins. after arriving at the VA, we got the call that mom had passed away! SAD time, but at least it was not unexpected. I just wish I could have been there holding her hand. :(

Once we returned to town, the funeral home was getting ready to transport mom, so we went straight to the hospital to be with the OTHER family member. The rest of the family is scrambling to get the final funeral arrangements made, etc. for mom, so I've assumed care duties for the sister to give them a bit of relief. The docs are supposed to take another blood test at 1:00 this afternoon, and if all is well, they will release her this afternoon, THEN, I'll be taking her to an appointment with another doctor to examine her hip which is giving her a TON of pain (she's had a hip replacement). I don't even know when the funeral for mom will be yet, but Lynn and I have had a little get-away to the beach planned for quite some time and are supposed to leave early Thursday morning and return next Monday. As exhausted as I am right now, I think we're going to keep the reservations and miss the funeral if it's not before then. I've spent the past week holding mom's hand and sitting with her so she wouldn't be alone, so I've already had plenty of time to say my good-byes. Her real family is all here with her now, so I feel comfortable missing the final ceremony if it comes to that. I need a rest. :(

you're a good man Jim!....take a rest buddy, you need it...

Funerals are for the living, not the dead. Like you said, you had your chance to say goodbye. Now it’s time to take care of yourself.


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You are a good man Charlie Brown, now rest.

It looks like we'll make the funeral after all. The funeral is in Tampa on Thursday, so we'll just alter our route to Ft. Meyers (where we'll be spending our beach time). Viewing is at 11:00 and graveside at 1:00, so we'll just head south from there after the graveside service. From there on out, it'll be (MUCH needed) rest and relaxation until Monday! It's been a rough couple of weeks. :(

Deppity, thanks for offering the suggestion that mom may have been referring to Mother Mary. I've relayed your possible explanation to the family and ALL have accepted the belief that Mary was with mom that morning. (NOBODY could recall any other Mary in mom's life or circle of friends) I think it brought a level of comfort to the family. I'm just sorry I was the only witness to the "visit" as it would have been nice to have other family members there at the time.