Rural colloquialisms

[Thumper]

He's dumber than a stump! (Or a box of rocks.)

The lights are on, but nobody's home.

If his brains were dynamite, he couldn’t blow his nose.

He's so dumb he couldn't pour piss out of a boot with the instructions written on the heel.

[BarryBobPosthole]

Now you’re just stretching things way past colloquialisms.

You’re like a bull in a china shop"

BKB

[Thumper]

Look above. I rest my case.

[Thumper]

Ha ha ha! You thought you’d be slick and delete it before I saw it! You have to get up mighty early in the morning to beat me to the draw grasshopper.

[BarryBobPosthole]

Holy moly. Late night posts on Goodhunting.

What has the world come too?

BKB

[Thumper]

Some of us are already so handsome, we don’t need our beauty rest.

[BarryBobPosthole]

I can relate.

Do you get much chance to get outdoors any more Jim?

BKB

[Thumper]

Yep, things are quiet in my neighborhood. Mostly seniors and I don't see anyone anymore, other than when they scamper to the mailbox with their masks and gloves on. I still have to make the occasional Post Office or FedEx run (eBay packages to FedEx, but most USPS is picked up), but it's a whole 'nuther world out there. We had to go to the grocery store the other day and they had the sidewalk out front marked off with 6' boxes to stand in, there was a crew of two standing out front. One would disinfect the cart before releasing it to you, the other had a clipboard keeping count of how many went in and how many exited (one out, one in, not sure what the total in the store was), you come out and add your cart to the end of the line to be disinfected again. Once inside, the floor is marked with arrows, each isle is one-way traffic only, then the cashier area again had the 6' boxes to stand in. Each cashier has a plexi-glass barrier in front of them ... they look like bank tellers now! With their masks, THEY look like the bank robbers! It's f'n weird I tell ya'.

[quercus alba]

That'll go over like a turd in the punchbowl (bad idea)

if you throw a rock in a pack of dogs, the one that hollers is the one that got hit (denying an accusation)

That boy ain't got the sense God gave a two headed worm

Older than Methuselah (969 years btw)

[BarryBobPosthole]

LOL, one of my Mom’s favorites when someone complained about smelling a fart was ‘The guilty dog always barks first’.

BKB

[HideHunter]

I'd like to play - I don't time .. just looked out the window.. it's darker than the inside of a cow.. turkey hunting tomorrow.. 4" of snow.. they should stick out like a dog turd on a pool table.. weather is supposed to turn and but Wednesday it will be hottern' a whore's door knob on nickel night..

[Chicken Dinner]

HH, you haven’t got the sense that God gave a piss ant if you go turkey hunting when it’s colder than a witch’s tit in a brass bra.


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[BarryBobPosthole]

I’m full as a tick.

bKB

[Arty]

When someone has worked you to death, “he worked me like a rented mule”

Or, “he rode me like Seattle slew”.


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[BarryBobPosthole]

This morning Artie is ‘shining like a new dime in a goat’s ass’

BKb

[quercus alba]

I wouldn't get out in the snow at 4 am to watch a piss ant eat a bale of hay

[Buckrub]

I wouldn't get out in the snow at 4 am to watch a piss ant eat a bale of hay

If it snows in April where you are, then you just simply have a bad Latitude.

[quercus alba]

My latitude would be a lot better if I was sitting in a lawn chair on a beach somewhere with a surf rod propped up in front of me and a cold Mountain Dew in hand

[Buckrub]

My latitude would be a lot better if I was sitting in a lawn chair on a beach somewhere with a surf rod propped up in front of me and a cold Mountain Dew in hand

You think? That's EXACTLY what I was doing till March 13........and they ran me out of the state. I think they're opening it up again. I'd go back, cause they have toilet paper, too, and I don't.......but they had record highs, mid 90's. SO it's STILL the wrong latitude.