Lynn’s mom is a bit of a sports nut. She’s pushing 88 years old, but is still in a bowling league and bowls every Monday. She used to golf, but all her golfing “buddies” have died off over the years. She finally gave her clubs away. She has the energy of a 30-something.
She’s also a huge ball fan. The tv ALWAYS has a game of some sort on. Little to no football, but a huge fan of tennis, basketball or baseball, which brings me to the subject of this post.
We were here for a couple weeks in May and again, now. During both trips I’ve been subjected to television baseball. If I were King of baseball, I’d make some new rules:
#1 - Install spittoons in the dugout if you want, but once you come out of that dugout, if you spit even ONE time, expect to be pulled for the balance of the game and have your pay docked accordingly. (Allowances will be made if you catch a fastball to the mouth and you’re spitting blood) After the third infraction, you’re out for the rest of the season. I’ve never in my life seen so many nasty-assed, spitting sob’s gathered in one area in my life!
#2 - Leave your %{^]*+#< Mr. T starter sets at home! I’ve never even seen so many frigging gold chains in a gosh danged Beverly Hills jewelry store! If one of you dickheads knocks a tooth out while running to base, your company insurance ain’t gonna pay for it. Take off all those gold log chains, billboard sized medallions and sissy-assed earrings! While I’m at it, I’m gonna add gold teeth. Reserve your gold grilles for that ‘64 Impala low-rider you cruise around in during the off-season. I had a crown made not long ago and my Prosthodontist matched my natural tooth color perfectly. Do it! There ain’t gonna be any voting for the biggest pimp impersonator after the game. Follow these simple rules and you’ll be 26-pounds lighter. It may make the difference between making it to base or enduring a forced out.
#3 - Hair? You’re representing my team, or my league. I’m still working on hair restrictions, but orange, green, purple, whatever unnatural color you may prefer, will no longer be tolerated. As for length, I’d prefer military regs (for you not-knowabouters, that does NOT mean shaved). I might get a bit more liberal and allow a length up to, but no longer than, the very early Paul McCartney style. Stand-by for my final decision.
#4 - That brings me to tats. Put ‘em where you want ‘em, as long as they’re covered by the uniform. ‘Nuf said. If I can see ‘em, I have a nicely sharpened skinning knife and will provide tat removals at no charge. Besides, for you darker skinned dudes, until they come out with white, yellow or maybe bright pink tattoo ink, you’re just wasting your money anyway, but those tv close-ups do show some sort of unrecognizable scribblings all over your body.
I think that should cover it, but if I watch a few more grown men hitting a little white ball with a stick, running in a circle to end up right back to where they started, AND get paid millions of $$$ to do it, I “might” think up another rule or two. I’ll keep you informed.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Reply With Quote
