Tuesday Humor

[BarryBobPosthole]

A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor
comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you
probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway.
You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, however, your
penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You have $9000 in insurance
compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis.
They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch."
The man perks up.
"So," the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. But I
understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is
something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before
and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher
before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be
disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision."
The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.
The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"
"Yes I have," says the man.
"And has she helped you make a decision?"
"Yes" says the man.
"What is your decision?" asks the doctor
"We're getting granite counter tops."

[Big Muddy]

I'm swiping that one.

[Thumper]

I figured the 9-incher, a divorce and a new girlfriend!

[Thumper]

There was a man who lost one of his arms in an accident. He became very depressed because he loved to play golf. One day in his despair, he decided to commit suicide. He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off.

He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man down on the side walk skipping along, whooping and kicking up his heels. He looked closer and saw that this man didn't have any arms at all. He started thinking, "What am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself? I still have one good arm to do things with." He thought "There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk so happy, and going on with his life."

He hurried down to the side walk and caught up with the man with no arms. He told him how glad he was to see him because he lost one of his arms and felt useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him for saving his life and said he knew he could make it with one arm if the guy could go on with no arms. The man with no arms began dancing and whooping and kicking up his heels again.

He asked, "Why are you so happy anyway?"



He said, "I'm NOT happy. My balls itch."