Advice for a young man....

[Big Muddy]

I have a close family member, who is a young married man with two young kids....he's a wonderful young man, but got hood-winked into marrying an air-headed, bipolar, selfish, suicidal winch....matter of fact, she is currently in therapy for the first time, in another part of the state for a few weeks....this is what has prompted him to consider divorce, and is just exploring his options, so he asked my opinion about preparations.

He has finally decided that he just can't take it, anymore, and is considering divorce. With his wife's previous mental conditions, he will probably be awarded the kids.

She has been on full disability for about two years....I do realize she has both mental and physical problems, and am somewhat sympathetic in that regard, but she has brought a lot of her problems on herself....personally, I have always thought she was just lazy, and wanted the young man to wait on her hand and foot.

I know some of you guys have been there and done that, so I'm looking for some advice for him.

Financially, is there anything that he can start preparing for, so that she doesn't take every dime that he's worked for???

[BarryBobPosthole]

That's a tough call. Its hard to know what is illness and what is self imposed like you said. When we sign up to get married we're supposed to be there for better or worse and that includes illnesses and all of their manifestations. I only say that because if he does decide to go that route, he'd better be prepared not to look back or he's gonna have a lot of guilt for a long time.

As far as financial, I don't know how Ms does their stuff. In Oklahoma, we're a no-fault state and you basically split what you have 50-50 and the child support and any possible alimony is based on a formula of what each person contributed to the total income in the household. If she hasn't been working, then he'll likely have to pay a pretty large part of the child support the court decides the kids need.

Divorce is costly for everyone. I don't recommend it. But if it's gotta be done, then its worth the price you pay.

BKB

[Niner]

Ed, I almost wish I could lay some good advice on you. But, fortunately I married the bestestest woman in the whole world. I got DAMNED lucky on my first try.

That said, I would imagine there has got to be some lawyers in his area that specialize in "men's rights" in divorce cases. I hear a commercial on the radio here pretty frequently. These folks are allegedly a nation-wide firm, so maybe they have an office in MS or can recommend someone there.

http://www.cordellcordell.com

[Big Muddy]

Yep, Niner, I definitely "married-up", too....old gal has tolerated me for danged near 45 years....I almost wish the young man had not asked me about this because I don't have much insight to offer him, other than he will need a good attorney.

[LJ3]

First order of bidness is to determine of MS is a 50/50 state. If it is, it's pretty simple. VA is a 50/50 state. It's LITERALLY, a spreadsheet formula. People can make things nasty of they want and with her condition I would recommend securing a lawyer for guidance. A woman hellbent on vengeance with mental illness is a recipe for needing a lawyer if I ever heard one.

[Thumper]

Sounds like it could get real nasty. Glad it's not me. As already mentioned, a lawyer (or a well-trusted hit man) is the best advice I could offer.

[DeputyDog]

The best advice I can offer from my professional experience, not personal, still married to the first wife, is to get an attorney.

It depends on the laws of the state, but in Indiana, all property whether or not it is in one of their names or not, or was owned by one of them before the marriage or not is joint property. That includes bank accounts etc. A lawyer will be able to advise him how to protect himself from her taking everything before the property is settled up in court so that he doesn't loose everything and not get it back at the final settlement because she doesn't work and doesn't have any money. Just the fact that she has those mental and physical issues doesn't mean that he will automatically get custody.

The next best advice is to stay calm despite what she does and not make the situation worse for him. Document everything, and communicate through the lawyers. A lot of times one of the spouses will do everything they can to provoke the other into doing something that really hurts their chances for a decent custody/support arrangement.

[Captain]

Been there and done that, from my prospective a divorce is the screwing you get for the screwing you got...

There is no easy way out and there are no winners.

Sent from my iPhone using Forum Runner

[Chicken Dinner]

No personal experience, but I've lent a shoulder to a few buddies along the way. If he lives in a small town, have him find out in advance who are all the best divorce attorney's in town and interview them all. (They'll usually do a free first consultation.) After that, their ethics will prevent them from representing her.

[Buckrub]

Insure her.
Shoot her.
Shoot her mother.
Collect.

You're welcome.