Cops DO have a heart! (e-mail from a friend in Texas)

[Thumper]

I get irritated when people come down on our police officers, saying that they don't care about or respect others. Well, here is a story that clearly shows not all cops are in that category.

This story involves the police department in the small hill country town of Kerrville, TX who reported finding a man's body last Saturday evening in the Pedernales River near the state highway-87 bridge. The dead man's name would not be released until his family had been notified.

The victim apparently drowned due to excessive beer consumption while visiting "someone" in Fredericksburg. He was wearing black fishnet stockings,10 inch spiked heels, a red garter belt, a pink G-string, purple lipstick, dazzel dust on his eyelids, 2 1/2 inch false eyelashes and an Obama T-shirt.

The police removed the Obama T-shirt to spare his family any unnecessary embarrassment.

[jb]

Distinction between Guts and Balls

There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We've all heard of
people having Guts or having Balls. But do you really know the difference
between them? In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:


GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met
by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: "'Are you still
cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of
perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt
and having the Balls to say:.'You're next, Chubby.'

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome.
Both are fatal.

[BarryBobPosthole]

Hahahaha.. I like that one.

BKB

[Captain]

Both are good!

Sent from my iPhone using Forum Runner

[Thumper]

In church a sweet elderly lady was heard saying a prayer. It was so innocent and sincere it has to be shared:

"Dear Lord, This has been a tough four to five years. You have taken my favorite actor Patrick Swayze. My favorite musician Michael Jackson. My favorite Blues Singer Amy Winehouse. My favorite actress Elizabeth Taylor. My favorite singer Whitney Houston. And now my favorite author Tom Clancy!

I just wanted you to know that my favorite politicians are Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi, Barbara Boxer, Diane Feinstein, and Harry Reid."

Amen

[jb]

Mass with Nancy Pelosi

Catholic Mass with Nancy Pelosi. Just too funny not to pass along!!!!

Last Saturday afternoon, in Washington , D.C. , an aide to Nancy Pelosi visited the Bishop of the Catholic cathedral in D.C.
He told the Cardinal that Nancy Pelosi would be attending the next day's Mass, and he asked if the Cardinal would kindly point out Pelosi to the congregation and say a few words that would include calling Pelosi a saint.

The Cardinal replied, "No. I don't really like the woman, and there are issues of conflict with the Catholic Church over certain of Pelosi's views."
Pelosi's aide then said, "Look, I'll write a check here and now for a donation of $100,000 to your cathedral, if you'll just tell the congregation you see Pelosi as a saint."

The Cardinal thought about it and said, "Well, the Church can use the money, so I'll work your request into tomorrow's sermon."
As Pelosi's aide promised, Nancy Pelosi appeared for the Sunday worship and seated herself prominently at the forward left side of the center aisle.

As promised, at the start of his sermon, the Cardinal pointed out that Ms. Pelosi was present.
The Cardinal went on to explain to the congregation, "While Ms. Pelosi's presence is probably an honor to some, the woman is not numbered among my personal favorite personages. Some of her most egregious views are contrary
to tenets of the Church, and she tends to flip- flop on many other issues. Nancy Pelosi is a petty, self -absorbed hypocrite, a thumb sucker, and a nit-wit. Nancy Pelosi is also a serial liar, a cheat, and a thief. I must say, Nancy Pelosi is the worst example of a Catholic I have ever personally
witnessed. She married for money and is using her wealth to lie to the American people. She also has a reputation for shirking her Representative obligations both in Washington and in California. The woman is simply not to be trusted."

The Cardinal concluded, "But, when compared with President Obama, Ms. Pelosi is a saint."

[airbud7]

Distinction between Guts and Balls

Im gonna remember that one^ forever.....Thanks......