Yeah, I'm serious. Geez.

Football:

1) No spiking the football to stop the clock. That's already got a name, "Intentional Grounding", and it's a penalty.

2) Stop allowing the kickoff team to be offsides every kickoff.

3) While I'm at it, eliminate kickoffs. No point to 99% of 'em, anyway. If you really want that to be a meaningful play, kick off from the 20. No wait.......make it the goal line. Should be some benefit to the other team scoring other than just receiving the ball.

4) No fake field goals. Well, actually they are fine. But if the holder has the ball in his possession, and his knee is on the ground, then DUH, DUDE, HE IS DOWN!!! Play over.

5) Stop using the name for a penalty of "False Start". No it ain't false. It really did happen. Everyone saw it!! Call it "Premature Start" if you want. But it ain't false. And while I'm at it, no more of this coming to the line and getting set, then standing up and looking at the sidelines for another play call for 10 more seconds. If Coach is too unsure of his original call, get another coach.

Basketball:

1) If a player is shooting a foul shot, NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO TOUCH HIM until he's done shooting all shots. Giving a guy a high/low five every time he shoots, make or miss, detracts from the game and wastes time, and has a detrimental effect on the shooter.

2) Shoot all the coaches. They control way too much of the game. Put the coaches box way down behind the END of the bench. Don't allow them to talk to anyone if the clock is moving.