The Great Chipmunk Fiasco
Matthew L. Miller
This was originally posted in the course of some chit chat at the Campfire Chat forum. It has become a classic at Good Hunting and we thought we would preserve it here for the continued enjoyment of all.

The Great Chipmunk Fiasco
By Cliff Claven (Pennsylvania)

This reminds me of a time when a chipmunk somehow got in our building, and got stuck to a glue trap set for cockroaches. The agitated chipmunk began chewing on nearby electric cords to vent his frustration, and fried himself. Twice. He was fried, bleeding and yet somehow still breathing.

I went to put the poor thing out of its misery, and the colleagues looked at me like I was Jeff Dahmer. There was much panic and hysteria, as my artsy pals tried to rescue the mutilated chipmunk. Finally, one guy gave up on the futile rescue and insisted that he deliver the coup de grace, because he would be more humane.

He picked up a hammer, covered the chipmunk with a paper towel (so he the chipmunk couldn't see it coming), and gave it a tap. I mean a tap. Any love pat would generate more force. So I stood there watching Mr. Humane deliver 19 taps, dutifully checking the chipmunk each time, until it finally expired.

So upset was everyone, our staff meeting was postponed and the boss considered taking a day's vacation. When we finally convened the meeting, everyone was visibly shaken, and the boss questioned the decision to kill the poor chipmunk.

He said: "I called a local wildlife center, and I'd like to remind everyone wildlife is protected by state laws."

Whereby another coworker yelled, "That's fine and good, Dave! But we have a BODY on our hands!"

Oh, the tension! The drama of it all!

I suggested we deliver the "body" to the dumpster, and everyone looked at me like I was from Outer Mongolia. "It's dead, Matt!" one scolded.

They decided to call the dead animal disposal service from nearby Spring Mills. You know, the service designed to remove dead cows and horses. Man, I bet those guys had a good laugh, picking up the dead chipmunk.

A true story.

The Possum Battle
The Possum Battle
By JoeF (Illinois)

My possum battle; I mean story, took place just this week. This a true story.

The defenders:
1 Adult male, 6'1, bout 200lbs. Been known to kill a possum with his bare hands.
2 Young males, 1 - 15, 1 - 11. Supreme athletes both.
1 95 lbs. Yellow Lab
1 30 lbs. Beagle with an attitude equivalent to a 300 pounder.

3 powerful flashlights, 1 dip net, 1 fish basket with rope, waders

The Invader:
1 large possum with an attitude.

Teeth, growl, lots of ugly. A composition that says never play possum.

The setting:
In a 6x25x5 tall dog run set in the corner of a large fenced yard.

The event:
Was taking the two boys to the pond to do some frog hunting, when passing the run the dogs took off and cornered something in the beagles' house. Needless to say we all kinda piled on. I immediately recognized the growls and hiss coming from that house, having stuck my hand in a bag of dog food in an unlit garage once and felt something warm and furry that emitted similar sounds. That's when we first started to lose.

Beagle backed out of his house to regroup, Lab seized that opportunity to launch his own attack. 95 lbs. Labs don't fit in 30 lbs. Beagle houses well and Mr. Possum (notice I said Mr.) used this to his full advantage, judged by the volume of the yipes coming from the lab.

Well beagle ain't about to allow no puny 95lbs. Lab have all the fun. Major dog fight. Now one would think that a 95 lbs. Lab would be able to handle a 30 lbs. Beagle. Not a chance, and as any self respecting beagle will readily admit, they can handle any dog walking.

Well in the process of trying to break this up I got shined in the eyes about a dozen times. Cracked in the forehead by a dipnet, and bit on the leg. I blamed it on the beagle but it wouldn't surprise me if Mr. Possum spotted an opening and took a shot.

The dog assault on the possum continued. One dog would poke his head in the beagle house, the other one would get pissed and assault the exposed flank. At this point we are taking casualties so I decided to attack from the rear. Picked the house up and tried to shake the possum out. He wouldn't budge. I took another beating, stooped over in the 5 ft. run holding a dog house with a 95 lbs. Lab pounding up against the doghouse is not fun, hard on the neck. Got shined in the eyes a few more times.

Finally shook Mr. Possum loose, felt him go back through my legs, both dogs hit the house, I had my legs entangled in the fish basket with attached rope, down I went. At this point I had 1 beagle house, and two dogs on top of me. I was very concerned with Mr. Possums' whereabouts. Well he was gone; having shot out the open gate, very pleased; I'm sure, with the casualties he had inflicted.

Now I was never going to tell this story; not being real proud of the outcome, but did figure that others may benefit from the lessons learned. The biggest lesson to be learned is never, ever, close the gate to the run if in a similar situation. If Mr. Possum had not made a break, when he did somebody might have been seriously injured.