Quote Originally Posted by Thumper View Post
Well, the group of shrinks all put their heads together and pooled their notes ... I guess the result is, between the PTSD, the economy crashing and taking my business with it, THEN the aneurysm thing and the resulting major medical problems, not to mention the financial ramifications of losing my business and having an extended hospital stay/recovery and numerous subsequent surgeries, being forced to retire ... well, I guess I'm a mess ... and according to them, understandably so. Heck, I thought I was handling it pretty well if I do say so myself ... but will admit my age and physical problems play pretty heavily on me at times. The PTSD? I've always done a good job of hiding that, but it really surprised me how fast I crashed and burned once the doc started doing her thing. Then Lynn had to pipe in and mention the recurring nightmares to back it up. I feel like a frigging sissy.

This may sound kinda asinine, but one of my main concerns is my CCW. I'm getting close to renewal time and it's been so long I don't remember persactly, but I believe there were questions on the application such as: "Have you ever been diagnosed with depression?" ... "Have you been prescribed any anti-depressants?" That sort of stuff. I've never had any suicidal tendencies ... which I believe was another question. I'm sure there were other related questions I can't recall at this time ... but I think if they pulled my CCW, I WOULD feel depressed! I'm not sure I know where this is headed. Today I was given additional testing and a Rx for anti-depressants and sleeping pills (I've NEVER been a good sleeper and they say that can be a contributing factor). Heck, I have no clue what's going on, I'm just following doctor's orders and going with the flow to see what happens. I'd MUCH rather just take a couple of heavy bong hits every night ... who the hell could be depressed after that?

I guess I'm learning that you don't necessarily have to FEEL depressed, or ACT depressed, to BE depressed. Huh?
Dude man. try not to overthink it at first. I don't mind tellin' ya I've spent more time in a therapists office than some people have at work It's a process and it works, you just can't be your worst critic. One thing it took me a long ass time to realize is that there is no such thing as normal. Every single person has a different normal. And yes, you are dead right about depression. You're not a sissy and chances are very good you'll learn more about yourself than you thought possible. It's a grea thing you're doing. It's hard as fuck sometimes but it's something you will not regret.