What I hear

[Buckrub]

I'm sure this is not what they say on TV ads, but this is what I hear:

"If you suffer from moderate to severe terminal dandruffitis, then ask your doctor if Fryscalpira is right for you. Side effects include potential ear loss, hair fires, the condition known as "hot dog fingers", spontaneous skin lacerations, blood loss, tooth decay, cancer, aids, skin peeling, eyeball loss, toenail fungus, or death".

Then.............two months later.............

"If you or a loved one suffered pain or death from using Fryscalpira, please call the law offices of Sylvester "Shyster" Shenanigan now. You may be entitled to financial remuneration for your pain and suffering". Small print says " Sylvester Shenanigan is licensed to do business in Saskatchewan, Bulgaria, and Phoenix".

The fine print is even more fun to try and read before it disappears. Why they put fine print on the tv is beyond me.

[BarryBobPosthole]

When I was six I jumped out of a tree in my grandma and grandpa's yard and broke my arm. Its still crooked to this day thanks to that old quack on Waldron. The cast itched like hell and I remember scratching underneath it with a rattail comb. When they took the cast off, there was a tick under it. Makes my arm itch to this day to think of it. When I was seven, I fell off heir back stoop and hit my head on the steps and had to have eleven stitches over my eye. I used to tell girls I got hit with a pool cue. It was my most identifiable mark until I got my tattoo.

My point is. It doesn't appear I was very well taken care of as a kid. And I still have phantom itches and scars and crooked limbs to prove it. The people I'd sue though are either dead or poor. Can those TV lawyers help you think?

BKB

And on edit, when I was eight, My cousin cut the end of my right index finger off when we were cutting up some apples to feed to some horses we weren't supposed to be riding because they were the neighbor's. He told me to hold a stick and see how close he could get to the end of my finger with the knife. Whacked it right off. Its still shorter than the other one.

[LJ3]

I was talking to Julie last night.... you sure it was your finger?

[Chicken Dinner]

You left anal leakage of your list...

[Buckrub]

Dang.

I left anal leakage off.

I did.

Dang.

[LJ3]

I distinctly remember the first time I heard that term. It was with the olestra fried potato chips. I read past it and then it registered a couple minutes later.... Hey! Who wants some marginally bad potato chips that makes your ass leak? anyone? Bueller?

[BarryBobPosthole]

We saw Ray Ramano in Vegas and he about made me pass out from not being able to catch my breath with a riff on Olestra in Lays potato chips.

BKB

[Thumper]

We saw him here years ago ... back before he had his "Everybody Loves Raymond" show. Funny dude!

[Buckrub]

Everybody does NOT love Raymond!

[Thumper]

Curmudgeon!

[HideHunter]

Just saw Christopher Titus with my kids. They are great fans. Not 100% my kind of humor but I appreciate creativity of any kind. He was good enough. I laughed. I'm more a "Blue Collar" kind of guy..